Why I Left
by blackbelt96
Summary: Grissom has been cheating on Sara with Catherine for two years now...finally fed up Sara desides to leave and start a new life. Years later she comes back to vegas...ready to take on what ever challenge comes her way. A/N I don't own CSI
1. Why I Left

I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't pretend like I didn't know what was going on or what he was doing.

Little did he know I had seen them together on more than one occasion and in more than one compromising position.

I thought I could handle his cheating…thought that it was my fault…that I hadn't loved him enough, didn't please him enough…I thought I could ignore it. I was wrong…so very wrong.

I sat on our couch, a glass of red wine in my hand, and I stared at the photo of us when we had taken a rare vacation to Hawaii right after we had gotten together.

I had been ecstatic then, so unbelievably happy that Gil Grissom had finally thrown me a bone after seven years of toying with my heart. I guess I just hadn't been ready to believe or except the fact that I hadn't been good enough for him…that we weren't the perfect couple so madly in love with each other that I had always envisioned us to be.

I knew he would be getting home late tonight…he would walk in expecting me to be waiting up for him, he would apologize for being late but he had to work a double on an important case…even though I had already called the lab and they had said he already left four hours ago. He would smell like her and I would catch her sent in my nose as he would lean forward to kiss me lightly on the check in greeting. I would say 'no problem', that I understood having to work a double, I did it often myself, he would give me a small smile and then head upstairs for a shower.

I would finish off the fifth glass of wine that I had poured myself that night and go to the guest bedroom to sleep, unwilling to sleep next to him when I knew he had just come home from loving her.

The next morning I would be out the door for work before he even woke up…when I got home at night he would be gone…and I would be reduced to the tears that seemed to be all I was worth these days.

But tonight was different…I was leaving tonight, I couldn't take it anymore. Nick had talked to me after work…Grissom's "secret" love affair with Catherine was no secret in the lab, everyone knew. I got pitying looks from everyone and Grissom and Catherine got treated like the shit bags they were…but it never made me feel better.

Nick…my good friend Nick. He had caught me in the locker room before I was about to leave for my empty townhouse. I talked to him frequently…he was the only one I talked to. He was concerned…he said I looked thin and asked if I had been eating. I said of course I was but that answer sounded like a lie even to my own ears. I had to be thinner for Grissom…maybe he would touch me then.

He said he knew what Grissom and Catherine were doing…and he said that I should leave. Leave him or leave town he left that decision up to me, but his point was that I deserved more and better. He was right I knew, and tonight…I was going to take back what Grissom had taken from me years ago…my life.

I heard the door open and the expected "Ummpff" As Grissom tripped over my bags that sat at the front door.

He walked into the living room and I looked up at him to see the curiosity in his eyes that almost made me laugh.

"Sara, what's going on?" Grissom asked in an even voice.

"I'm leaving…I was just waiting to say goodbye, I didn't feel leaving a letter would be right." I said as I stood my voice cold and withdrawn.

I saw him flinch and then he asked "Why?"

I laughed then…the pain and reality that he didn't want me long ago faded away and hatred the only emotion eminent.

"You're kidding right. Look back on this past year and you'll have your answer. I'm done being cheated on." I said putting my cards on the table.

"Sara…you…you can't leave…you just can't." Grissom stuttered perplexed at the fact that I was leaving.

"Why can't I leave Grissom…you don't need me and don't act like you do. You don't need me to talk…to touch…to enjoy. You have Catherine for that. Do me a favor and just let me go…you have Catherine…I need someone too…I'm going to find that someone." I said as I walked into the kitchen.

Grissom followed. "Sara…I'm sorry…"

"Grissom don't pretend like you're sorry, you know you're not…I know you're not…if you were you would have stopped the first night you heard my tears and don't pretend like you haven't heard them." I said as I put my glass in the sink and then headed for the front door.

"So this is it…you're just going to leave? What about your job?" Grissom asked using everything thing he had in his arson.

"Already taken care of…I have a great supervisor." I mocked Grissom slightly enjoying the hurt look on his face. "I have all my affairs in order 'per say' and I'm leaving." I said as I grabbed my jacket off a hook and put it on.

"Where will you go?" Grissom asked, watching me helplessly.

"You don't deserve to know that." I said as I took out my key ring.

"Sara, I just want to know that you're going to be okay, that where ever you go that you'll be alright." Grissom said.

"Grissom, you never cease to amaze me in the way that you can make a complete 360 turn around. For two years you cheat on me and love Catherine and love Catherine and hate me…look at me with disgust when I try to love you. What am I supposed to do…put my well being on hold so that you can feel comfortable? No, I'm done…we're done…we've been done for a while." I said as I handed him my house key.

"Sara don't go…"

"I hope you have a good life Grissom I really do…goodbye…that sounds so lame but there it is…goodbye." I said as I opened the door, took hold of my bags, and disappeared into the night.


	2. My Life Since She Left

It had been five years since Sara Sidle, the greatest woman I ever loved, left me with good reason.

My life since then had been more than hard and complicated. Telling the team that Sara had left was one of the hardest things I had ever been prevailed upon to do. Telling the team that Catherine and I were engaged a year later was even worse.

"Grissom, we've got a 419 out in the desert. Nick's been put on the case too, but he already left in the Denali. Meet you in the Tahoe in five?" Catherine appeared at my office door.

"Yeah, see you there in five…tell Judy that we're out in the field on a case." Catherine nodded and then left.

I sighed gathering my paper work and getting ready to head out. Five years ago today…she walked right out my life without a second glance…never looking back.

I wasn't the only one who knew what today was. Nick Warrick, Greg, and even Brass I noticed seemed to be a little more pissed at me than normal.

I grabbed my field kit and then walked out of my office ready to head out when I heard Warrick talking.

"I'm glad to hear you got the promotion, you deserved it girl." Warrick said happily.

I knew he wasn't talking to anyone in the lab and when I turned the corner I saw he was talking on his cell phone with a Texas size smile on his face.

"Alright girl…you behave yourself tonight…tear up the New York party scene…alright you take care of yourself, I miss you…okay will do bye." And the Warrick hung up the phone and looked up to catch my eyes. His smile faded quickly and he forcefully brushed past me on the way to most likely one of the labs.

I gave another sigh; this is how things normally were. The whole lab hated me, but most of all were Nick, Warrick, Greg, and surprisingly Jim. But I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me, Sara was like Jim's daughter…I shouldn't have expected him to react well to me treating her like dirt.

The insubordination that was executed daily and always sent my way was something that I had gotten used to, but never spoke a work of. Warrick, Nick, and Greg all had a right to be furious with me…to hate me…and they did, believe me they did.

I had suspected that the guys including Jim still kept in touch with Sara. I would often walk into the break room to see Jim, Warrick, Greg, and Nick all sitting at the table talking animatedly and happily and I would catch phrases such as 'Yeah Sara sent me that picture too' or 'Yeah Sara told me the she was having trouble with that case' or my favorite 'Yeah Sara said she 

liked him a lot, said that maybe they would go to a movie tonight'. But as soon as they saw that I had entered the room, they would grow quite or sometimes even leave the room altogether.

I had frequently thought about trying to contact Sara, but I would always come to the conclusion that it was not a good idea. I figured that if Sara wanted to talk to me (which I knew she didn't) she knew where I was and how to get to me.

I made my way out into the parking garage and saw that Catherine was already sitting in the passenger seat. She smiled at me when she saw me approaching the Tahoe. I smiled back before heading around to the other side to place my kit in the trunk and then go to the driver's seat.

Once inside I started up the truck and rolled out to the highway.

The ride was quite except for one moment when we were halfway to the scene.

"Gil?" Catherine questioned quietly.

"Yeah honey?" I asked my mind elsewhere.

"Are you alright?" Catherine asked, still quiet.

"Of course I am babe." I said, but my mind was still on someone else.

"Gil?" Catherine asked again.

"Yes sweetie?" I answered again thinking of a distant city on the other side of the country.

"I love you." She said before she turned to look out the window.

I sighed inwardly. "I love you too Catherine" I said before I took her hand in mine for the rest of the ride, but it was not Catherine I was thinking of…it was Sara.


	3. Going back?

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A/N I don't know if i'm going to keep this chapter the way it is or change it, becasue i'm not sure if i like it that much. Tell me what you think please.

and i don't own CSI

Five years to the day…I had left Las Vegas, never looking back and with only one regret…giving my heart fully to Gil Grissom. I moved to New York where I had been offered a job a few weeks before I left…and when I got here I was welcomed with open arms…already a big difference from Vegas.

I made friends quickly and my team mates soon became my family…except one…he became more.

When I had come to New York I had been a CSI level 3…now I was a senior CSI with a lot of respect and a good name not only in the lab…but around the country.

I worked hard…just like in Vegas…never took a break and always took the opportunity to work a double…not because I had nothing better to do…but because I always wanted to find justice quickly.

I talked to Brass often, pretty much every other three days and got frequent phone calls and e-mails from Warrick, Greg, and Nick. We never talked about Grissom and Catherine…or what they ended up doing or what became of them…I didn't want to hear.

The major difference of my life in New York than in Las Vegas was that I had a social life. I went out with friends when I had nights off and even sometimes when I didn't have nights off.

I loved New York…I was happy, something I hadn't been in Vegas.

"Sara Sidle, there you are…I've been looking for you everywhere."

I turned quickly; I was half way down the hall on my way to the DNA lab, about to pick up a very important result. I was agitated that my pursuit was being interrupted, but when I saw who it was that was calling me; I couldn't help but to smile.

"Eric, what are you doing here on your day off?" I asked trying not to sound pleased about seeing him.

"Boss took off sick, called me to fill in." Eric said beaming.

"Kissing Jack's ass again?" I asked on a laugh. Eric was a notorious butt kisser, especially when it came to our boss.

"No…just trying to help out…and see you." Eric said joking with me.

"And the truth comes out." I said still teasing.

"Hey I come here to help out on my night off and all you do is tease me." Eric jokingly whined.

"Oh stop it. Listen I was just going to get a DNA result from Lily. Mike and I are working on the potential serial and for the most part we have it covered, but Kevin and Jackie might need some help." I said trying to cut the conversation short so I could get my results.

"Where's Ben tonight?" Eric asked as I started on my way again.

"Off tonight…along with a lot of the other lab rats. Today seemed to be a good day to not come to work." I said finally reaching the lab doors. "Now go help Kevin and Jackie…I have a job to do and so do you."

"Fine be that way." Eric pouted at me. I smiled at him and the proceeded into the DNA lab.

"Tell me something good Lily." I said as I walked into the room and smiled at the lab tech.

Lily tried to smiled but failed. "The semen sample you gave me was not a match to Mr. Waters…he's not the guy who raped this girl or any of the others…I'm sorry Sara, I know how you guys thought this was your break." Lily said comfortingly.

"That's alright Lily…do me a favor and run the DNA through the data base and see what comes up and then page me." I said on a slightly frustrated sigh.

"Will do Sara." Lily said turning back to her work.

I left quickly to find Mike to tell him the bad news. I found him in the layout room on the phone with someone.

He half grimaced, half smiled at me when I walked in.

"Okay, see you in fifteen then…bye." He spoke into the phone before closing it at the end of the conversation.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"Ben…he's coming in to help. Things are not going good…God, we've been working on the same murder for a week…three girls have already died…we have to beat this guy…catch him before he can strike again." Mike said frustration starting appear in his voice.

"Then you're not going to like what I'm going to tell you." I said frowning slightly.

"Don't tell me…" Mike trailed off.

I nodded. "The semen was not a match to Mr. Waters…but Lily is running it through the data base…so don't lose hope just yet." I said trying to sound hopeful.

Mike gave me a look as if to say 'Don't even try'

"This evidence is leading us no where…this guy is going to strike again before we ever get any leads off of this stuff." Mike said in exasperation, looking like he wanted to throw the evidence in front of him all over the room in anger and frustration.

"We'll get a lead…listen let's take a break and wait for Ben to get here…we're doing no good working so frustrated and tired…come one a good cup of coffee will do you some good." I said taking Mike by the arm and leading him out of the room.

"This is unlike you Sara…usually it's me who's trying to get you to take a break. You don't even want to take breaks when you're working at home with me." Mike said in a tone that I would almost call amazement.

"Shut up." Was all I could say in retort.

"OUCH." Mike laughed from behind me.

We arrived at the break room and Mike and I each poured ourselves a cup of coffee.

"So you have a big vacation time coming up I hear…Jack finally forcing you to take off?" Mike asked giving me a knowing smile.

"Yeah…something like that." I said. Mike laughed lightly at me.

There was silence and then Mike said "We're you thinking of going back to Vegas?"

I was momentarily stunned by the question but recovered quickly and said "No…why do you ask?"

"Thought you might be missing home." Mike said slowly.

Mike knew everything about me…we were a close pair. When I had come to New York I was a hot mess with a broken heart. Mike was certainly not the first man I loved after Grissom, because I had dated around for a while. But Mike had taken me under his wing and into his arms one day we decided to go for it and we hit it off…fell in love.

"No Mike…this is home…here…New York is home." I said strongly.

"I'm here…let's go…get things rolling." Ben came stalking in and almost shouted his presence.

Mike and I smiled and I turned around to feign shock. "Ben…there you are…I almost didn't hear you come pounding in here." I said laughing.

Ben frowned slightly which made me laugh. "I'm just joking Ben…you know I love you." I said as I got up to hug him in greeting.

Ben hugged me tightly, but not long enough to cause a comment to come from Mike's lips.

"You two hooking up now?" Mike said with a smile on his lips.

"Damn…and I thought it wasn't long enough." Ben whispered just loud enough to cause Mike to raise his eye brow which caused me to laugh.

"You stay away from my girl Ben." Mike jokingly warned.

"Your girl." I raised a playful brow.

"Yeah your girl? I don't know if I can…" Ben said still playing.

Mike was about to retort when Lily came rushing into the room…urgency written across her face and eminent in her eyes.

"What is it Lily?" I asked dropping my playful tone and taking on a serious one.

"I ran the DNA through the Data base…I got a hit. Las Vegas crime lab just had two rape/murders in the last five days…semen collected matches the semen you collected off of all three bodies…your guy is in Vegas…he's moved to Vegas." Lily said in almost on breath.

I looked to Mike who looked to me. "Yes…finally a break…I'm going to call Jack and tell him the news…get things in order…call Las Vegas PD, tell them what we've got and the get things ready to head out there." Ben said with new excitement. He bounded out of the room…Lily followed after just in a more normal way.

"So…I guess we're going to Vegas anyways." Mike said looking at me.

"I guess…say have you ever been to Vegas?" I asked a small smile on my lips.

"Nope…never." Mike said smiling the same.

"I'll have to show around…the good casinos…clubs…hotels." I said with a mischievous smile on my face.

"I can't wait." Mike said smiling at me…opening his arms to take me into a hug.

"Yeah…neither can I." I said…but suddenly…I was thinking of Grissom. Yeah I couldn't wait…couldn't wait to get in out of Vegas and back to home New York as soon as possible.


	4. Is it her?

A/N I like this chapter but then again i don't. Tell me what you think please.

My office was dark…the blinds were drawn and my door was shut and locked. I had a migraine. Two rape/murders in five days and by the looks of it…it had been done by the same guy.

I sighed my mind interweaving two thoughts…the case…and how if Sara had been here…this case would have been closed by now.

I could imagine her getting worked up over these two cases. Anger and maybe a bit of sadness…I could almost see her face playing those emotions as my migraine progressed…getting worse.

Suddenly the phone started to ring…sounding like a siren in my ears. I had to make it stop so I picked it up.

"Grissom." I answered.

"Dr. Grissom…this is Jack Bernard from New York PD crime lab, have a moment?" And unfamiliar voice asked from the other end.

I wanted to say no…that I had no time for whatever he had to say but instead I said "Of course."

"We have a serial rape/murder case on our hands that's at a dead end…well not so much anymore. We ran the DNA we had through the data base as sort of a last hope and it came up with a match…it matched the semen you collected from your last two rape/murders." This man named Jack almost sounded excited as he told me this tale.

I must admit…I became a little excited myself. We were getting somewhere it seemed.

"We want to send a team out there to help and continue on with the case …would that be alright with you and your team?" Jack asked expectantly.

"Of course it would be…when will you be sending your team out?" I asked.

"I can have them out in Vegas by tomorrow night…is that alright?" Jack asked hopefully.

"Yeah that's fine…I can have one of my team members pick them up from the air port." I said almost happily…but that's when I heard the voice in the back ground…a voice that sounded so much like hers.

"Jack I know Vegas pretty well…I can find my way to the lab and to the hotel." The voice said softly…I couldn't be sure if it was hers, but it sounded so familiar, I felt the pang in my heart and my gut.

"Grissom…I have a team member here you was originally from Vegas…says she knows the area well." Jack said confidently.

"Okay…so they'll be here at the lab tomorrow night then?" I asked double checking.

"Sure thing…talk to you later Dr. Grissom…thank you for your time." Jack said getting ready to hang up.

"No problem…I'll talk to you later." I said before I hung up the phone.

I felt better…surprisingly my migraine was gone.

I got up and walked out of my office to tell the team the news. I walked into the break room to find that they were all there.

I cleared my throat and everyone looked up at me with blank stares.

"We have a break…of sorts. Semen we collected matched the semen that a New York team collected on a serial rape/murder case they've been working on. They're sending a team out here tomorrow to help us to solve the case." I said.

The table smiled. "Hey any chance its Sara's lab? Are they sending Sara?" Nick asked excitedly.

My blood suddenly ran cold. Was it Sara coming out to Vegas…had it been her voice I had heard?

"I…I have no idea." I said softly.

No one seemed to be paying any attention to me and Nick, Warrick, and Greg all turned and talked excitedly to each other….the anticipation of seeing Sara was thick in the air suddenly.

Catherine looked at me with an emotion in her eyes I couldn't place.

Though my heart was racing and my hands were clammy I reached out to her. She took my hand gratefully.

We walked to my office slowly, holding hands the whole way there. I shut the door once we walked in and suddenly I found Catherine's body pressed close to mine.

"Promise me you won't love her…I couldn't take it…promise me you won't love her." Catherine half pleaded half cried into my shirt.

"I love you Catherine." I said softly as I rubbed her back soothingly.

I knew I hadn't answered her question…but I couldn't…I just couldn't find it in myself to say I wouldn't…I knew it, and so did she.

Catherine held me tighter and cried harder.

"I love you." She breathed out.

"I love you too honey." But suddenly it felt like a lie…and I felt sick


	5. Not a Good Start

A/N I'm not sure how much i like it, but i think i'll keep it. Tell me what you think please.

"Sara, are you ready…we have to go." Mike's voice rang though my apartment.

I sighed as I looked around my room, a mess…a complete and total mess.

"Jesus Sara…did a tornado whip through here or are you just a pig?" I heard Mike's voice at my bedroom door.

I turned to face him…a shirt in one hand and a pair of pants in the other. I glared at him. "See this is what happens when I stay at your apartment for an extended period of time and I have no clean clothes there. I have to come home and pack…no I am not ready." I said in a huff.

Mike started to laugh but I shot him a glare and he stopped. "I'll be in the living room if you need me." He said soberly. He left my doorway and I turned back to the mess in front of me.

Twenty minutes later and I was ready to go, I had a suit case full of clean clothes, and Mike was talking my ear off about how excited Vegas made him as we walked to his car, parked just outside my complex.

On our way to the airport we picked up Ben at his place. "Thanks for picking me up you guys. I knew I should have had my car checked long ago…but I just never did." Ben rambled once he had gotten situated in the back seat.

"No problem Ben…we know you…we wouldn't have expected any less." I said as I turned around in my seat to talk to Ben.

I laughed when Ben frowned slightly. "How come I always get teased?" He whined.

"Because you're the easiest to pick on." I said matter-of-factly.

Ben frowned even more at my answer and said "That's not fair."

"What are you…five?" Mike asked, laughing.

"As a matter-of-fact…" Ben began a slight look of anger on his face.

"Ben we pick on you because we love you." I said cutting him off.

He smiled slightly at my answer and was mostly quiet for the remainder of the ride.

When we arrived at the air port we waited in line to check our bags and once that was done we went through security. We showed our badges and I.Ds for our fire arms and proceeded through the terminal.

"Hold on guys, I want to check on our flight." I said as I walked over to a large TV monitor that displayed arrival and departure times. I sighed when I saw that our flight was an hour behind schedule.

I returned to the guys and said "Guys bad news…we're not getting to Vegas until eight."

"But our flight leaves at six." Mike said in protest.

"Our flight is an hour behind schedule." I said.

"Wait…how are we getting to Vegas in an hour?" Ben questioned.

"What do you mean Ben?" I asked getting frustrated.

"We leave at seven now…and we'll be in Vegas at eight?"

"Three hour time difference dork." I said half laughing half sighing. "Come on I need some coffee and there's a Starbucks around here somewhere."

"Someone should call Jack and let him know." Ben said as he trailed behind me and Mike.

"We'll do it later…I need coffee." I said as I spotted a Starbucks, that happened to be right by our gate.

I would never admit it, but as I sat at our gate…Mike and Ben rambling on about the New York Mets…I was nervous, and as I brought my coffee to my mouth, my hand shook slightly.

An hour later than our expected flight time and our flight was called. We boarded and sat in business class…I had pulled a few strings to get us out of economy. The flight to Vegas was a quite one…Mike and Ben were out like a light as soon as we took off and they didn't wake up until we landed. There was no turbulence and they showed the movie 'Be Kind and Rewind' staring Jack Black.

When we landed I called Jack to let him know that we handed landed in Vegas and we were all alright and we going to head to the lab right away. But soon after I called Jack, Ben got violently ill in the air port bath room.

So I called Jack back and told him the news.

"Jack, Ben is sick…really sick. We're going to drive him to the hotel and drop him off…I think Mike is going to stay with him. I know Ben is a grown man…but I want to make sure he's taken care of. I'll drop by the lab…introduce myself" I hesitated…was that necessary? No but Jack didn't know that I was from that particular crime lab and if he did he never mentioned it. "And let them know we're here and that we'll get an early start tomorrow."

"Alright Sara, sounds good to me…I'll call Grissom…the supervisor of the night shift and tell him the new plan of action…let him know that one of you is coming for a short visit and that'll you'll be there early tomorrow." Jack said…confirming everything I was already ready to do.

"Thanks Jack…I'll call you later." I said.

"Bye Sara…try to enjoy yourself." Jack said earnestly.

I laughed into the phone and then said "Bye Jack." And I hung up.

"Alright Mike, let's get this sick boy home so I can get what I have to do over with." I said as I walked up to Mike and a green looking Ben.

Mike grimaced at me…for what reason, I have no idea. Either because Ben was sick or he knew that I was going to have to see Grissom.

"Come on Ben…lean on me…we'll get you to the hotel where you can rest." I said as I took Ben's hand and followed Mike out to the rental car.

Once we arrived at the hotel we checked in and then Mike and I helped Ben up to his room.

"Alright Mike, I'm going to leave you with Ben…I'll be back in about two hours…alright?" I asked.

Mike sat on the made bed in Ben's room, while sounds of Ben being sick filtered through the closed bathroom door.

"Yeah…leave your cell on…I love you." Mike said on a sigh.

"I love you too babe." I said before I leaned in and gave Mike a kiss.

And then I left to go to the Las Vegas Crime Lab and what felt like an undeniable doom or maybe…a hopeful reunion.


	6. Not the Night I Hoped For

I walked briskly down the lab hallways, heading for my office. Shift would be starting soon…and I suddenly found myself very nervous. The anticipation of possibly seeing Sara again almost made it hard for me to breathe.

I reached my office just as my office phone began to ring.

"Grissom." I answered in one swift breath.

"Dr. Grissom…its Jack…from the New York Crime Lab. I just got a call from one of my CSI's, they're flights been delayed…they're not going to be able to get in until eight. I hope that's not a problem." I heard the now loud, friendly, familiar voice say over the phone.

"Of course not Jack…I'll just have my team hold off for a little while…work on another case." I said almost happily into the phone.

"Great Dr. Grissom… do you have a cell phone number I can reach you at?" Jack asked contently.

"Yeah…" I read him off my number.

"Thanks Dr. Grissom…I'll have one of my team call you when they land." Jack said lightly.

"Sure thing…and call me Grissom" I said getting ready to hang up.

"Okay, goodbye Grissom." Jack said before the line clicked and went dead.

I sighed, so my anticipation would be prolonged by another hour. I didn't know if my nerves could take it, I had a couple hours to the start of shift…no one would be here till seven on the dot.

So I sat down, put my feet up on my desk, and closed my eyes. Images of Sara danced freely against my dark lids. Image after image…smile after smile and for a moment everything felt normal…my heart didn't hurt…there wasn't a weight of dread and loss over my shoulders. That was until there was a knock at my door.

I opened my eyes abruptly and sat up straight in my desk. "Come in." I called.

The door opened and Catherine peaked her head around the corner. "Gil…sweetie…we're all here…we're waited for you in the break room."

"I'll be there in a minute." I said flashing her a loving smile.

She smiled back and then left…closing the door behind her. Had three hours really gotten by me so quickly?

I sighed and heaved myself up and out of my chair. I walked around my desk…picking up a stack of case files on my way…a few cold cases that needed to be solved.

I walked out of my office and headed toward the break room.

Once I entered I found everyone sitting quietly at the table. "Alright everyone…I have some bad news. Our New York team has had a delayed flight…they're not going to be here for another hour…so I thought that we would work on a cold case…rather than start without them." I said trying to smile.

No one matched my smile…they all grimaced as they each took a case file.

"It's just an hour guys." I said as my team dispersed unhappily.

I sighed as I took the only case file left into my hands. I opened it and suddenly I found myself transported to the past…right before she left. A double homicide…two children. Sara had not taken to it well…and it had been wrong for me to expect her to…especially when I was missing all the signs and doing all the wrong things.

_Sara was upset, I could clearly see…I was worried her emotions would affect the case negatively. I was proud when she had held her demeanor at the scene, didn't even bat an eyelash …should have been my first clue, but once at the office…her anger and sadness was displayed visibly for the world to know. _

"_Sara…hey wait up." I heard Nick's southern voice ring through the hallways. I sat in my office…watching the younger man interact with my girlfriend. _

"_Nicky…I thought I could…" I heard Sara trail. I thought she was talking about the case…and it's possible that a small part of her was._

_Nick reached out for Sara, inviting her into him. Sara looked all too grateful to take his offer. _

_She walked into his embrace and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. A pang of jealousy ran full force through my body. But then I saw Catherine walking towards my office and Nick and Sara, and I knew I had no ground to stand on. _

_Nick and Sara turned to see the blonde walking swiftly down the hallway and broke apart abruptly…walking the other way quickly…murmuring something to each other. _

"_Grissom…you need to tell Sara to keep her emotions in check…I caught her going off at a cop just a couple minutes ago and…" _

_I cut Catherine off, anger filling my belly quickly. "Catherine this is not your job…I will take care of it." I said as I got up and quickly left the office in search of my upset girlfriend. _

_I found her in lab three…crying…alone._

"_Sara." I said my voice tentative at the door. _

_She turned to me…whipping her eyes quickly the smile she offered me was one hundred percent fake and it hurt to know it…I had let things get to bad. _

"_Yeah Grissom…" She said, I flinched slightly at the use of my last name. I can't remember when she switched from Gil back to Grissom…but it had happened, and it hurt. "I'm sorry, I'm waiting for a result to come through and…"_

_I cut her off still hurt "Sara you need to keep your emotions in check…if you let it affect your work…I'm going to have to pull you from the case." I said all but too late to realize I had crossed the line into no man's land…where it was barren and dangerous. _

_Sara gave me a smile that seemed to even hurt her to have to produce and she said "I'm sorry boss…I'll try harder…" There was a beep and the printer spit out a piece of paper. Sara gabbed it hungrily and left quickly bumping forcefully into me saying "Sorry…I have to find Nick" On her way out. _

_She left me completely dumfounded…now I wasn't even Grissom…I was boss…not boyfriend or lover…but boss. I felt the sudden urge to cry, but I suppressed it when I saw Catherine walking my way. _

_She stopped in front of me and smiled lovingly and sweetly. "Hey, I just saw Sara storm past me…thought you might need someone." She placed her hand tenderly on my chest and leaned in to kiss me…it was risky…anyone could see…walk by…but it wouldn't have been the first time. _

_Catherine was right…I needed someone…but that someone wasn't her. _

"_Thanks babe." I said when she pulled back…producing a stunning smile from Catherine. "Listen I have to go get a result from Archie…meet you at my office fifteen?" _

"_Sure thing." Catherine said happily walking away from me. _

_I had lied…there were no test results…I was looking for Sara. I searched high and low but could not find her…finally I checked the locker room and I immediately heard her voice emanate off the brick walls. _

"_I just don't know what to do anymore…I thought I could handle this…make him love me again…I was a fool. Who am I kidding? Look at me…I'm ugly who would want me?" Sara's frail voice reached my ears and broke my heart. _

"_Come on buttercup…you're beautiful…Grissom's just a huge ass…we all know it…the whole lab knows it. We love you Sara…I love you…he's not even worthy to wipe the mud off your shoes, let alone call you his lover." Nick's comforting voice followed Sara's._

"_But I love him…what am I supposed to do? I'm no competition…I've seen them together…their perfect…I just…I just want to…"_

"_Hey sunshine…stop right there…we have a break coming up. Why don't you and me go to the diner and grab a late dinner, early lunch?" Nick cut her off before she could continue. _

"_Yeah…I would like that." Sara whispered. _

_I peaked around the lockers and found Nick holding tightly onto Sara thin form…Sara sob lightly and Nick kissed her forehead. _

"_Come on girl…my steak waits for no person." Nick quietly whispered into her head. _

_I left before they could see me…I didn't know what to feel. Sara had seen us? She knew and she stayed with me? It all made sense…why she called me Grissom…didn't smile at me…didn't talk to me…not that I offered her much time to do such things. _

_And a new question presented its self…was Sara seeing Nick? My heart ached and ached, but I got my answer moments later._

"_Thanks for doing this Nicky." Sara said as I turned to see them walking away from me down the hallway towards the lab entrance. _

"_Hey, no problem…I would do anything for my sisters." Nick said bringing Sara close to him…smiling at her. _

_And Sara smiled back…a real Sara smile. _

"_Grissom." Catherine's voice broke my thought. _

_I turned to see her standing behind me, hands on her hips._

"_Fifteen minutes?" She asked, bordering angrily. _

"_Sorry babe…I got caught up." I lied easily. _

"_That's alright…you can make it up by bringing me to the diner for a little snack." Catherine smiled lightly at me._

"_How about my office instead?" I asked not wanting to run into Sara and Nick…it was all I could think of to do._

_Catherine smiled sexily at me…grabbed my hand…and nearly dragged me to my office. _

My cell phone began to ring and I was forced to shake my head of the past as I answered "Grissom"

"Grissom…Jack here…I have some bad news." Jack said tentatively.

"Sure what is it?" I asked slightly concerned.

"One of my CSI's is very ill…another one of my CSIs is going to take care of him…so for tonight I can only send out one CSI and only for a brief period of time." Jack said almost remorsefully.

My stomach dropped…was Sara ill? But then I thought…it might not even be Sara here.

I sighed heavily "No problem…what can you do? I'll have my team work on the case tonight…we can start more in depth tomorrow."

"That would be great…thanks Grissom. And sorry…I don't know what happened, but my CSI was fine when he left." Jack said slowly.

The word 'he' caught my attention and I said "No problem…I look forward to meeting your one CSI." I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Great…talk to you later Grissom." Jack said before the line went dead. Jacks abrupt hang ups were beginning to annoy.

I sighed and got up…getting ready to search for my team…and tell them more bad news. Tonight was not shaping up to be the night I had hoped for.

A/N Hey guys, sorry it took me a little longer to update. School just started and i'm still recovering from foot surgery so...i'm a little behind. I'll update as often as i can, i promise.

Thanks for all the nice reviews!


	7. It's Going To Be a Long Night

I stepped out into the cool air of a Las Vegas night…it felt so familiar it made my stomach churn unexpectedly.

I walked briskly to the rental car that sat near the hotel entrance. I got in and started up the car. I took a deep breath before I pulled out, fighting the urge to go back inside and stay with Ben and have Mike go instead.

I drove down familiar streets…saw familiar sights and for a minute I found myself almost missing Vegas…but I shook it off.

I rolled down my window and felt a nice breeze cool off my face…I felt myself growing more and more nervous as I knew I was coming closer to the lab.

It felt odd to know that I still knew my way to the lab so well…I thought that time might have made me forget everything, but I found myself unconsciously making turns that brought me closer and closer to a fate I wasn't sure I was ready for.

And then I passed the diner, that held such great memories…and such heart ache.

"_Sara, you need to slow down." _

_I looked over at Warrick who sat in the passenger seat of my Denali, looking white as a ghost and holding onto his seat for dear life._

"_Aw, come on Warrick…toughen up…my driving isn't that bad." I said…feeling the liberated feeling of actually having cracked something like a joke for the first time in months. _

_Warrick caught it too, and smiled despite himself. "I'm just glad we're almost there…I'm hungry…and a little car sick…but mostly hungry." _

_I pulled into the parking lot of the diner we all usually ate at and hit the brakes hard, just to get a rise out of Warrick. He didn't comply, just gave me a look that said 'I'm about ready to kill you' _

_I laughed "Come on Warrick…let's get you some food." I said as I stepped out of the truck. _

_I heard Warrick say from the other side "You know it's nice to see you smile and hear you laugh…I've missed that." _

"_Yeah…me too." I said before I turned to look in the diner window. _

_Warrick walked to the door and waited for me to follow._

"_Warrick…I'm not hungry anymore." I said turning to get back into the car. _

"_What do you…all you could talk about for the past hour was how hungry you were…Sara you're as thin as a twig…we're eating." Warrick said coming around to my side of the car. _

_I stood with my back to window…I couldn't look, it just hurt too much. "Warrick, I'm not going in there…if you're really hungry…we can eat at my place." I said shuddering slightly. _

"_Sara…what the hell is wrong?" Warrick asked, putting a comforting hand on my back. _

"_It's them…in the window." I whispered._

_Warrick turned to look through the diner window and sure enough four seconds later I heard "Son of a bitch…that rotten bastard." _

"_Warrick…I just want to go home." I said softly. _

"_Yeah, sure…I'm driving though okay…I value my life."_

_Warrick's jab at my driving skills elicited a small chuckle from me, before I walked around to the other side of the Denali without protest. _

_I got in and Warrick did the same. He started up the car…and as he pulled out…all I could do was stare at them…laughing…smiling…holding hands over the table. I wanted to cry…but I wouldn't…I was far beyond tears. _

"_I'm so sorry Sara…I used to be friends with her…but I just…can't now." _

"_Warrick don't hate people on my behalf…my business and drama is mine alone and no one else's." I said looking out the window. _

"_I don't care Sara…I care about you…and they hurt you…I can't forgive that…I'm sorry." _

"_Yeah…so am I." _

To soon was I pulling into the parking lot of the Las Vegas PD crime lab. I parked in a parking space that was a little ways away from the entrance.

I knew everyone was in there…Warrick, Greg, Nick, Brass…Grissom and Catherine. They were all in there and waiting for the CSI from New York to arrive.

I sighed wondering if my stomach would stop doing summersaults. My nerves held me fastened to the seat…I didn't know if I could do this. My once strong feeling of confidence and will was long gone. But I knew it was now or never so I turned off the ignition, grabbed my purse, and got out of the car.

I walked slowly but purposefully towards the doors I had walked through countless times…a million life times ago.

The cool air conditioning that circulated the lab air well hit me full force and my nostrils were met by the nostalgic smell of the Las Vegas crime lab.

I walked up to lab's front desk and was almost what you could call presently surprised to see that Judy still worked there.

She smiled at me from behind the desk and asked "Can I help you?"

Apparently she didn't recognize me…had I changed in looks that much?

"Yes, actually…I'm one of the CSIs here from New York…my boss told Mr. Grissom that I would be stopping by for a short visit." I said…the words Mr. Grissom rolling off my tongue in surprisingly easy manner.

Judy smiled at me and said "I'll phone him right now."

I turned away from the desk for a moment while Judy called Grissom.

"Mr. Grissom…it's Judy…one of the New York CSIs are here….okay great, I'll tell her." Judy said sweetly.

I turned to look at her again. "Mr. Grissom said he would be right down…I'm just going to need you to sign this visitor's sheet."

I nodded and signed my name and the date next to it. I handed it back to Judy who smiled at me sweetly.

"You can have a seat over there Ms…" Judy paused to look at the name I had just written down when suddenly her face drained of color. "Sidle?" She said the last part quietly; almost as if she was afraid to say it loudly.

I nodded and turned to sit when I heard "You must be the CSI from New York."

I froze at the sound of the voice…my stomach churning again and my blood running cold.

I turned slowly and was met by the pleasant blue eyed gaze of Gilbert Grissom.

"Sara…" He breathed out…his face draining of any and all color just as Judy's had, but he must have been ten times paler.

"Hey Griss…I'm here, sorry it took me so long to get in." I said surprised my voice sounded normal, but I knew my face held a fake and strained smile.

"Sara…" He breathed out again.

"Oh boy…this is going to be a long night." I said quietly to myself.

A/N I hoped you liked this chapter, i did it after like 5 hours of homework...so it should be some of my finest work.


	8. Not the Same

A/N I don't own CSI.

I promise Sara is not as cold or unaffected by seeing Grissom as she seems...i swear.

She stood before me…five years later and there she stood before me. The picturesque Sara Sidle looking more beautiful and attractive than ever.

My heart was in my throat and my stomach was at my feet. My brain was foggy and actually for a second felt like it had stopped working.

"Grissom?" Sara's voice cut through the fog like a knife.

I looked up to find her beautiful chocolate brown eyes staring at me blankly.

"Yeah?"

"Should we go to your office to talk or what?"

I stared at her. She was older…but didn't look it by much, maybe just a few more lines around her eyes that hadn't been there before. She looked taller…her sexy long legs, longer. But maybe it was just the fashionable heals she wore.

Heals? Sara never wore heals…but then again she never owned an over sized purse before…much like the one she had slung over her shoulder. New York had changed her.

Her rail thin form looked thinner…if possible. But her eyes…they were just as beautiful as I remembered them…if not more. Her hair was longer…and lighter. It stopped an inch or two below her shoulder blades and she had light caramel highlights in her hair.

"To talk?" I asked uncertainly.

"Yeah…about the case." She clarified emotionlessly.

"Oh…of course."

I turned away from her and began to walk. I heard her heals clacking behind me and knew she was following me…not closely…but close enough.

I arrived at my office in two minutes…but it had felt like an eternity of silence.

When I opened my door and stepped in, Sara was right behind me. I could smell the unfamiliar smell of her honey dew shampoo…I suddenly missed the lilac.

I turned on the lights and walked around my desk to take my seat. Sara sat down in one of the seats that sat in front of my desk and immediately began to take in her surroundings.

The first words out of her mouth were "You changed your office."

Her statement puzzled me. "What do you mean?"

"The bugs…the spiders…the weird things in little jars on your shelf…they're gone." She commented.

"Oh yeah…umm…so you wanted to talk to me?" I was uncomfortable. Catherine had redecorated my office…made me take my bugs and jars of 'weird' things home. She bought new furniture…new pictures…the works.

"Yeah…" She said slowly. "I had Jack fax over an overview…a timeline of sorts I suppose. I was thinking tomorrow we could start off by going over the evidence we have…your team and mine. And then make a game plan from there."

"Okay." I agreed, staring at her…drinking in the sight of her sitting before me.

"I don't know if Ben will be here tomorrow. He was pretty sick when I left the hotel, but I know for sure Mike will be here tomorrow."

"Your team mates?" I asked.

"Yeah…I had the evidence shipped over here with two police escorts…they should be here tomorrow as well." Sara said looking not at me, but just over my shoulder.

"Okay…I'll tell Ekile to keep an eye out for it." I said trying to catch her eye.

"Ekile still workings here?" She asked, almost sounding shocked.

"Yes…unfortunately he is." I said trying to get her to smile.

She complied but not in the way I thought she would. Her tight lips…curved in a forced manner upward.

"Okay, well…I just wanted to stop by…and go over the case with you. I think I'm going to go…Mike is probably wondering when I'm coming back and can take care of Ben for him."

My heart dropped…she was leaving already? "Alright…you'll be here tomorrow night?"

"Seven on the dot." She confirmed standing up.

Not earlier…I wanted ask, but I didn't.

"Hey, is Nick, Warrick, or Greg here?" She asked…stopping at the door on her way out.

"Warrick and Greg are at a scene, but Nick should be in one of the labs…Brass should be back sometime soon if you wanted to see him too." I answered…hoping she would stay.

"Alright…well I'll see you tomorrow." Sara said walking out the door.

"Sara?" I asked loudly before she could get too far.

She reappeared at my door. "Yeah Grissom…is there something I forgot?"

I suddenly didn't remember why I called her back, but said something before I could think. "You're different…"

"So I would hope." Was all she said before she walked back out of my door. I could hear her heals halfway down the hall before I could process her answer.

She was no longer Vegas…she was New York. Her Vegas toughness was not gone, but accompanied by something else…New York jadedness. She had changed…and it hurt…I would like to say I don't know why…but I do…and I think that hurt more.

She was different…and I felt the same.


	9. Hugs From My Cowboy

My heart beat erratically as I walked away from his office. I was so sure he would hear it while I sat there, playing cool…being unaffected, but in the end I knew he wouldn't.

I walked down the familiar and unchanged halls of the LV PD crime lab, surprised that I still knew my way around the place so well.

I stopped at one of the lay out rooms, seeing a familiar, but different looking figure of a man, hunched over a cluttered and lit table.

I stepped into the doorway and leaned up against the doorframe, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Hey there cowboy." I drawled out with a smirk on my face.

Nick Stokes' head shot up from his work…an ear splitting smile sprawled across his face. "SARA! OH MY GOD IT'S YOU!" Nick practically shouted.

He ran around the table, grabbed me by the shoulders, and pulled me tightly into him.

"Hey Nicky…how are you?" I asked into his shoulder.

"I'm great…seeing you has done sudden wonders to my mood." Nick half laughed as he let me go. "How are you?"

"I'm great actually. I'm happy to see you." I admitted smiling at the man that stood beaming before me.

"I'm really happy to see you…" Nick pulled me into him again. "I can't believe it's you. I suspected…but I had my doubts. Phone calls and e-mails are not enough." Nick said quietly into my hair.

"Whoa there cowboy…let's not get all sappy here." I laughed.

Nick let me go again and said "Same Sara…always the hard shell."

"I'm hardly the same person…I just managed to hang onto some of my better personality traits." I said jokingly.

There was silence and then "Have you seen Grissom yet?"

"Actually, I just came from his office." I said without emotion.

"And he's still alive right? Not that I really care about the man, but we still need a boss and you would need and alibi. You didn't hurt him or anything…did you?" Nick asked half jokingly, half seriously.

"No of course not…I just talked to him briefly about the case and what I wanted our plan of action to be and then I left." I said looking him in the eye.

"And…he didn't say anything…mean to you…I mean he didn't hurt you did he?" Nick asked the first signs of concern setting in.

"No Nicky…I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. And besides…I am well over him." I said confidently…but not completely truthfully.

"Oh yeah…how is your lover boy…Mitch?"

"Mike…and he's good. He's here with me actually…he's working the case with me and another guy." I said smiling at the thought of Mike.

"Oh…so I get to meet your lover boy…give him my stamp of approval?"

"I'm sure you'll like him. He's kinda like you actually."

"Then I'm sure I'll like him." Nick laughed.

There was silence and then another hug. "Sara…I really missed you…we all did. Five years is far too long to not see my girl."

"I know…I feel the same way." I said half smiling into Nick's shirt.

"Should we go out tonight and celebrate your homecoming?" Nick asked letting me go yet again.

"I'm not home…" I said, but I added at Nick's frown. "But it's nice to be back. And actually when I go back to the hotel I was going to take Mike out to BJ's, a club on the strip…you can join us if you like. We'll be there at about ten." I said smiling.

"I wouldn't be imposing?"

"Not at all…in fact bring Greg and Warrick and whoever else…the more the merrier." I said getting excited about a new event filled night.

"I look forward to it…has New York turned my work-o-holic girl into a party girl?" Nick asked.

"Well wouldn't you like to know…I guess you'll have to wait and find out." I said smiling at him.

"Oh you leave me with baited breath." Nick teased.

"Well I suppose I should let you get back to work…but it was really great to see you again…I really did miss you." I said getting ready to leave. I knew Nick had work to do and if truth be 

told…I didn't want to be there any longer, because it ran the risk of seeing Grissom, or Catherine, or worse both of them together.

"Yeah…I guess you should. And it was really great to see you too…I missed you, we all missed you like you could not believe."

"Aw, thanks Nicky." I said as I walked into Nick's open arms for yet another hug.

"I love you Sara…it's good to have my girl back…even if it is for a short time."

"I love you too Nicky." I said as we let go of each other. "I'll see you tonight alright?"

"You can count on it." Nick said with his beaming smile back in place.

"Good…I'll see you then…bye Nick."

"Bye Sara." Nick said almost sadly before he turned and walked back into the layout room.

I was almost sad to leave the lab, it was strange, but it was a true feeling none-the-less. But I walked out the doors of LV PD crime lab for the first time in a long time, and felt…just fine, a new emotion for my long forgotten leaving rituals.

As I walked out to my car I called Mike. He answered on the second ring and I said "Get ready…I'm going to show you a real Vegas night."

"A real Vegas night?" He asked sounding curious.

"Yeah…we're going to meet some old friends of mine at a club." I said as I got into my car.

"Sounds great…sure sick-o here will be alright?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine, how is he?" I asked back pedaling a little.

"Asleep."

"Yeah, then I'm sure he'll be fine. Listen I'm just leaving the lab, so I'll be back in like twenty minutes alright?"

"Yeah, how did things go?" Mike asked just the slightest but of concern in his voice.

"We can talk about it when I get back." I said, not wanting to think about the ready to burst emotions just lying beneath my heart.

" Alright see you then…I love you."

"I love you too." And then I hung up the phone and started up the car.

A Vegas night out…when was the last time I had one of those…PG…Pre-Grissom? Well if I knew one thing…tonight would be fun, something that Vegas and I as a couple were new to.

"A Vegas night out…" I said to myself as I pulled out of the parking lot "Yeah this should be interesting."

A/N sorry this one took me a little longer to write. I have a lot of home work and some writters block. But i can almost promise that the next chapter will come fairly quickly. Thanks for all the nice reviews!


	10. All the Proof I Needed

It was shaping up to be a long night; all I wanted to do was go home and rest. Maybe sit in front of the TV and watch the baseball highlights in my sweats. Maybe the Cubs won tonight…if so, it would do wonders for my current mood. Maybe I would think about Sara…think about how I would handle her being back.

"Gil?" The voice shook me from my thoughts.

I looked up to see Catherine standing in my doorway.

"Yeah Catherine?" I asked hoping she would say 'Are you ready to go home?'

She walked into my office and sat down in one of the chairs that sat in front of my desk.

"How are you?" She asked.

"I'm fine." I said sitting forward to look at her better.

"Good, because I want to go out tonight." She said a small smile pulling at her lips.

"Catherine…" I sighed. Going out was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Gil…don't." She snapped at me. "You never take me out…I want to go out. Listen Nick, Warrick, and Greg are going out somewhere tonight. They said you and I could tag along if we wanted…I want to."

Catherine had her arms crossed over her chest. 'No' didn't seem like the answer that was going to work.

"Fine Catherine…we can go out tonight."

She smiled brightly at me and got up from her chair. She walked around my desk and laid her hands lightly on my shoulder. She then proceeded to knead the knots out of them.

"Thank you Gil." She whispered into my ear.

I nodded in response.

Two hours later and two hours past the time I wanted to be in bed, Catherine was sitting in the passenger seat of my Tahoe, all dressed up, and giving me directions on where to go. We pulled up to what looked like a club called BJ's.

I felt a sudden pang in my stomach. I remembered hearing Sara talk about this place many years ago.

_I walked quickly into the break room, needing coffee oh so badly. Sara and Nick sat at the table, they looked like they had just gotten back from the field. _

"_So you like him huh?" Nick asked elbowing Sara gently. My ears perked up._

"_Yeah, I do." She said smiling bashfully…that was new._

"_Are you going to see him again?" Nick asked smiling at her._

"_Yeah, he's taking me out tonight…BJ's…you remember the place we went to last year to celebrate Warrick's birthday?" Sara's answer sparked a flicker of jealousy in my stomach. I hadn't known that she had started to see someone. _

"_Oh yeah? Good old Hank is taking you to BJ's…and where's the after party…your…"_

"_Nicolas Stokes don't you dare even think about finishing that sentence." Sara said cutting him off. _

_There was silence and then the two of them suddenly burst out laughing…that's when I left._

_That was the day I learned to hate the name Hank._

"Grissom…are you coming?" Catherine's voice brought me to reality.

She was standing by the door waiting for me.

"Yeah…sorry." I said as I walked up to where she stood.

I opened the door for Catherine and she walked in. I followed and was met by blearing music, crazy lights, and the smell of alcohol.

I followed Catherine because she seemed to know where she was going and as it turned out…she did.

She stopped at a booth and I saw that it inhabited Warrick, Greg, and Nick.

"Hey Guys." Catherine practically yelled at them.

They all nodded in greeting, not really wanting to speak to her. She sat on the opposite side of the booth that the guys sat on and I sat next to her.

"So…this is where Sara wanted to go? She must have turned party girl on us." Warrick said laughing.

What! Sara was here? Where was she? Was she alone? Was she dancing with someone?

"Yeah…that's what she told me." Nick said smiling to himself.

"Where is Sara anyways?" Greg asked.

"WHAT!" I heard Catherine exclaim next to me. "Sara's here?"

The guys ignored her.

"She and Mike left for the dance floor ten minutes ago…they're right…" Nick left off and he turned towards the dance floor to find Sara. I joined in his search. "There." He pointed to the middle of the floor and I followed his finger.

My heart ached and my guts churned as I watched what had been indirectly pointed out to me.

Sara danced in the middle of the dance floor with a man. And not only a man, a young man, a good looking man. But that wasn't the worst of it. She had her back to him, but she was grinding her body into his, moving with the fast paced music. The guy had his hand placed on her hips, moving with her. Occasionally he would whisper something into her ear, which she would intern either laugh or smile at. Sometimes he would kiss her neck and she would reach around to run her hands through his hair.

Towards the end of the song she turned around to grind on him from the front. She then captured his lips with hers passionately. I almost lost my grip on reality then.

When the song was done they both walked back to the table, hand in hand. Sara held a smile until she saw me, which she then sort of frowned.

The guys scooted over to make room for them as they came near.

"So miss party girl…who the hell are you and what have you done with our Sara?" Warrick asked.

"Your Sara?" She asked raising her eyebrow at him.

"I took her." The man who sat next to Sara answered Warrick.

"Ah…I should have known." Warrick said shaking his head, but smiling all the same.

"So Mike, we haven't had a chance to talk…how are you?" Nick asked.

Mike? Nick knew him? Had talked to him before?

"I'm good…glad to be with my girl." He said as he pulled Sara into him. Sara blushed and smiled.

"Well aren't you two just the happy couple?" Greg asked smiling like the rest of the guys.

"I'm sorry who are you?" I heard Catherine ask beside me.

I saw Sara frown, but she recovered quickly and said "Oh, I'm sorry…I suppose you guys wouldn't know, would you?" 'You guys'? That's how she referred to us? "This is Mike…he's one of the CSIs I brought with me…and he's my boyfriend."

My stomach sank with my heart. She had a boyfriend. I should have known…I shouldn't have expected Sara to stay single forever…hell I didn't.

"Oh…" I heard Catherine say.

"Umm…yeah. Mike and I are going to head out again. Does anybody what anything to drink while we're up?"

There was a collective 'No' and Sara nodded before taking Mike's hand and heading back out to the dance floor. I turned away unable to watch.

"She seems happy. I'm glad Mike could bring that to her…she deserved it." Greg said taking a sip of beer.

"Yeah, she did…do you remember when we all went out to…" Nick began but I stopped listening.

I was lost in thought. She was gone…it was final she had moved on and I had seen all the proof I had needed.

I felt totally lost…

"Gil…I want to dance." I heard Catherine beside me.

"Catherine…" I began.

"No Gil…you never take me out…I want to dance with you." She said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Fine Catherine…let's go dance."

A/N Just so you know...this "Night" is not over. Thanks for all the nice reveiws!


	11. Over Isn't Always Over

The loud music pulsated through my body, as if it were a part of me, as I danced with Mike pressed close to my body. I could feel eyes on me, and I knew who they belonged to, but I danced faster and harder…grinding and kissing Mike as much and often as I could. Why I did this I don't know, maybe to make Grissom jealous, but Mike didn't seem to mind my actions…so I justified myself by saying…I did it for him.

When the song ended Mike said he was thirsty and so we went to the bar and then went back to the booth.

"Are you guys all danced out yet? I want to talk to my girl." Nick half teased half pouted.

"One more dance…a slow dance and then I'm all yours Nicky boy." I said.

Mike spanked me lightly from behind and I jumped and blushed and said "Okay…not all yours."

"Ew…gross." Warrick joked.

"Oh don't even go there Warrick, my friend, I have many stories I could tell." I said pushing back,

"Oh, please do tell." Greg cut in.

I was about to open my mouth when Mike said "Later…right now, I want to dance with you."

I hadn't realized that a slow song had come on and I nodded. I took Mike's hand and followed him out to the dance floor where there were pairs of slow moving bodies everywhere. Mike pulled me into him, and he held me tightly as we began to sway lightly to the music.

I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his sent…that's when I saw them.

Pressed tightly against Grissom's body was Catherine Willows. I should have known they would have stayed together after I left…what did I expect…for Grissom to stay single and lonely forever…waiting for me to come back to him? But if I knew I shouldn't have then why did all these old feelings I thought I had put to rest come flooding back? Pain in my heart…sickness in my stomach…and the urge to vomit at the very sight of seeing them so close.

Grissom suddenly looked up and caught my eye. I didn't know what to do…I didn't want to look hurt or betrayed, so I smiled. Not a big smile, but a small one…an indifferent one. I had become a master of my outward emotions…something I had done in the name of Gil Grissom.

He looked stunned…betrayed. Everything I was feeling on the inside, he was showing on the outside. I looked away and buried my face in Mike's shirt…breathing in the sent that had calmed me before.

"I love you." He whispered into my hair.

I looked up at him and smiled softly. "I love you too."

He smiled his own soft smile and bent his head down just enough to capture my lips with his in a soft and sweet kiss.

I could feel the eyes on my again and it began to unnerve me, making my body tense.

"Are you alright babe?" Mike asked looking down at me.

"Yeah…I'm fine. I'm just a little chilled." I said, lying.

"Are you okay? Do you think you're coming down with what Ben has?" Mike asked concern etching his features lightly.

"No…no, just a little cold." I said.

"Okay then…let me see if I can warm you up." Mike said smiling the smile that had made me fall in love with him in the first place.

He wrapped his arms more fully around me, and tightened his grip. Almost as if to become my blanket. I sighed into his shoulder.

"I take that as a sign that we are all better?"

I nodded slowly.

"_Gosh, it's cold in here." I said as I walked into the bedroom we shared. _

"_Seriously?" Grissom asked smiling at me. _

"_Shut it Gil…I'm cold and I blame you for keeping this house so damn cold." I said as I walked over to the bed. I pulled back the covers and got in. _

"_Well…let me see if I can help you get warm..to make up for it." Gil smiled mischievously at me. _

"_Gilbert I am not in the mood." _

"_You're always in the mood…don't lie." _

_I smiled at him sweetly. "How could I ever lie to you?" _

"_I have no idea." _

"_Then get over here and warm me up." I said returning his mischievous smile. _

The song was coming to an end and I chanced a glance over at Grissom.

He had is face buried in Catherine's hair, and Catherine was clinging to him.

_I was becoming worried. Grissom was two hours late to be home. He hadn't called and half of me was angry, the other half worried out of my mind._

_I walked through the halls of the crime lab, hoping he was there. I looked in all the labs and layout rooms, only to find he wasn't there. I looked in the evidence locker and the locker room…still was nowhere to be found. I finally made my way to his office, what should have been my first destination was now my last hope. _

_I was about to walk in when something inside me made me stop. I walked over to the window and peaked in. I wish I hadn't. _

_Grissom had his arms wrapped tightly around Catherine and it appeared that he was showing her just how well he could use his tongue…when put in other people's mouths. I must have been standing there for awhile, because the make out session took a turn I didn't want to see, so I left. _

_Tears were flowing down my face against my will for them to stay in my eyes, by the time I reached my car in the garage. _

_I reached for my door handle when I realized that I couldn't go home tonight. I couldn't wait for him at home and pretend that everything was okay when I knew what he had done just hours before. But I couldn't sit at home and wait for him so I could end things. Despite what I had just seen…my heart was still filled with love for him…and despite my brain's wants…my heart wasn't ready to say goodbye to something I had pined for, for years. _

_I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number I knew by heart. A number I called when Grissom and I had our recently frequent fights. _

"_Hello?" A voice answered on the other end. _

"_Nick…I need a place to stay tonight…" _

The song ended and Mike let me go, but still held onto my hand tightly.

"Back to the booth? I'm sure Nick can't wait to spend the time with you that I seem to have stolen away from him." Mike said as he led me off the dance floor.

The previous emotions of heart ache had subsided with the memory that had assaulted my thoughts second ago.

I smiled and said "Yeah…I'm sure he is."

"But just so he knows…tell him there is no way that I am ever going to give my time with you, back to him." Mike said before he kissed the side of my head.

I laughed. "Will do."

_New York surrounded me. Sounds of everyday New York life filtered through my shut apartment window. _

"_I loved him Mike…it hurt like hell." _

"_I know Sara…but I'm glad you opened up to me…you can't hold these things in forever you know." _

"_I try…" _

"_I know you do." _

"_But it's over…over is over." _

"_Sara…over isn't always over…feeling live on for a long time…especially the ones that hurt." _

"_I'm done with him…over is over Mike…maybe not for you, but for me and him…over is over." _

I looked back one more time at the dance floor where Catherine as now dancing to the fast paced music with Grissom. It was a strange sight, but what was stranger was Mike's words that were spoken so long ago, were now echoing in my head once again.

I suddenly realized that over isn't always over…feelings live on for a long time…especially the ones that hurt…especially the ones that hurt you.


	12. Outside Looking In

The club air was thick and after awhile, I found myself with a strong need for fresh air. I told Catherine I was going outside for some air and then left for the entrance.

Once outside I turned to my left and was met by a shocking surprise. Sara was leaning up against the outside wall of the club. In her right hand was a lit cigarette. She brought it to her mouth once and took a long drag off of it, and then blew the smoke into the air.

I was stunned…the last time I had seen her pick up a cigarette was in San Francisco, a million life times ago.

I walked over to where she stood. "I thought you quit."

Her head snapped up in my direction. There was a second of uncertain emotion and then she looked away from me. She took another drag and said "I did, but I started again."

"When was that?" I asked trying to make some sort of small talk.

"A year or two after I moved to New York." She answered, flicking the ash off the end of the bud.

I nodded and we moved into an uncomfortable silence. I didn't know what to say so I asked "How long have you and Mike been together?" It hurt me to ask the question.

"About two years." And is hurt me to hear the answer. "Ben was actually before him."

"Oh and when was that?" I asked wanting to know more about this life that I was not a part of…wanting to know about this woman that I knew nothing about.

"A couple months after I got to New York…we dated for a little while." She said, hurting me more.

"And what happened?"

"We decided that we'd be better off as friends." She said putting out the cigarette.

I nodded my head.

"So what are you and Catherine?" She asked out of the blue.

I turned my head in shock. She couldn't possibly want to know the answer to the question I thought she was asking.

"What do you mean?" I asked trying to by myself more time.

"I mean, what are you? A couple, dating…married?" She asked staring at me with black eyes that hurt me deep down.

I didn't want to answer that…I couldn't answer that.

"Sara…I don't…I can't…" I began but she cut me off.

"I already know what you are Grissom…I just want to hear it from you…from your mouth." Sara said with a slight venom creeping into her voice.

"Sara…I…"

She walked up to me quickly and took my left hand in hers. I was shocked. What was she doing? Her touch still brought chills down my spine…but this was not the loving touch I had longed for, for five years. She brought it up to my face and while still holding onto my hand used her middle finger to tap against my ring finger. "Married…man and wife."

I looked on in horror at my left ring finger, as if I wanted nothing to do with the cursed thing. My wedding band shown dully in the light given off from the florescent signs of the club.

She dropped it almost forcefully and walked past me, and back into the club.

I looked at my hand…it felt disconnected from my body, like it didn't belong to me. Her words rang in my ears loud and true… _'Married…man and wife." _

I shook my head and felt the strong urge to cry. This was not what I wanted…

"_So Gilbert…" Sara sang at me as she came bounding into my kitchen, wearing nothing but my shirt. "What have you made me for breakfast?" _

"_Made what for you?" I asked with a smile on my face. _

_Sara's smile turned to a frown. "Gilbert…if you want a repeat of last night…and this morning, I suggest you give me whatever it is you have made." _

"_Oh no…then I am afraid I must comply with your wishes." I said as I handed her a plate full of food._

"_I thought so." She said as she took the plate from me, and bounded off to the dining room._

The memory that had just left my head was one I made sure I put away forever; it had been just after we had gotten together…we were so happy then.

_I sat on our couch in our empty house. Sara was supposed to meet me at home three hours ago…she never came. _

_I had received a text message from her an hour after she as supposed me home saying she had gotten caught up at work and wouldn't be home for a while. _

_I heard the front door open and I knew she was home, but not from work. She walked into the living room with a couple shopping bags in her hands. She stopped when she saw me, surprised I think to see me still here. _

"_Hey." She said as she set her purchases down on the coffee table. _

"_Hey." I said dully. _

_She walked up to me and pecked me on the cheek, I caught the sent on her and it made my stomach churn. Men's cologne and alcohol._

"_Did you go out drinking?" I asked being frank._

_She looked at me in a weird way and then said "Yeah, I had a beer or two after work with Nick." _

_My stomach churned more, she was spending a lot of time with Nick lately. I could have been because I was never home and she was getting lonely and needed a friend, or it could be more. _

"_With Nick? And did you two go shopping two?" I asked trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. _

"_Yeah, before the beers." She said as she walked out of the room and into the kitchen. She came back with a coke and sat in the lazy boy off to my left and turned on the TV. _

"_Just beers?" I asked pushing for more answers. _

"_I can't believe this." She said angrily as she turned off the TV she had just turned on. _

"_Can't believe what Sara? That I want to know what my girlfriend has been doing with another man?" I asked as she stood up._

"_Jesus Christ Grissom…" My last name rolled off her tongue effortlessly and slapped me in the face. "With a man? You make it sound like I've been off screwing some random guy…that man is my friend…as yours if you want to stretch the truth. Friends go out and have beers with each other. Why are you all upset…is this what I have to do to get your attention?" _

"_Sara…you were out three hours past the time you said you would be home." I said standing too._

"_Yeah…and how does that feel Griss? Good?" She asked stepping closer to me, anger lighting her eyes. Her words sent cold chills down my spine._

"_What do you mean?" I asked my voice suddenly very small. _

"_It means…I'm done having this conversation." She said as she walked away from me and out of the room._

That was two months before she left me. I sighed and tried to suck in the sudden rush of emotions that came to me.

I stood up straight, putting on my normal indifferent face. This was turning out to be a longer night then I had planed…and a lot more difficult of day than I had anticipated.

I walked back into the club and took in my surroundings. I looked to the booth that I was sharing with my wife and…colleges. Catherine sat isolated in a corner of the booth, while Warrick, Greg, Nick, Mike, and Sara laughed at something obviously hilarious.

A/N I don't know why i can't stop with the angst, but i hope you all like it. thank you for all the reveiws.

My heart ached as I watched Sara lean forwards and say something into Nick's ear, he laughed loudly and I was forced to remember more memories I would have rather left resting. Then my hear broke as I watched Mike lean forward and say something to Sara, which she in turn smiled and kissed him lovingly on the lips.

That used to be me…


	13. Just Sleep

"I'll meet you in a few seconds; I want to check on Ben before I go to bed." I said looking at Mike who stood in front of our hotel room.

"Sure, tell him I said I hope he's feeling better." Mike said before he took out our room keep, unlocked the door, and the stepped inside the room, disappearing from my sight.

I turned towards a different door and knocked. I waited about two minutes before a vision of horribly sick Ben made an appearance at the door.

"Hey there, how are you feeling?" I asked as Ben stepped aside to let me in.

"Like shit…how was your night?" He asked as I walked past him.

"Alright." I lied.

"I wish I could have gone." Ben pouted.

"You're sick, how could you?"

"I hate being sick." Ben whined.

"I'm sorry little boy, but there's nothing I can do about it." I said as Ben got back into his bed.

"What are we going to do about the case?" Ben asked tucking himself in.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I walked into the bathroom to wet a washcloth and get him some water.

"I mean, I'm sick…I can't work." Ben said almost sadly from the bed.

I sighed as I came back into the room. I placed the washcloth on Ben's head and set the cup of water on the bed side table next to him.

"Well, if you can't get into work in two days, I'm going to bring out Eric." I said as I sat on the edge of him bed.

"Eric? He annoys you more than he does me." Ben said before coughing.

"I know, but he's the only one that's available to come out."

"Well, I'm sorry I got sick." Ben said before taking a sip of water.

"Hey, it's not your fault. And even if you do have to go home, I'll still love you."

"Aw…thanks mommy." Ben said giving me a week smile.

"No problem…now you get some rest." I said as I got up from his bed.

"Will do mom." Ben said smiling more.

"I'll come in and check in on you in the morning." I said before walking out of his room.

I walked across the hall and knocked on the door of the room I shared with Mike. Mike came to the door quickly and smiled when he saw it was me. He stepped aside and let me in.

"How is Ben?" He asked as I sat down on the one bed in the room.

"Sick as ever." I said as I kicked off my shoes.

"I'm sorry to hear that; do you think you'll have to bring out Eric?" Mike asked, pulling back the covers on his side of the bed, he was already wearing his flannel pajama bottoms.

I gave and audible sigh before I walked to the dresser in the corner. "I think so." I said disappointedly as I pulled out a night gown.

Mike laughed. "Don't sound so happy."

"I'll try not to." I said before I undressed and slipped into my night gown.

I pulled back the covers on my side of the bed and got in. Mike scooted close to me and pulled me into his chest. I sighed as I snuggled in closer to him.

There were a few moments on content silence before "So that was in infamous Grissom, huh?"

I tensed a little but said "Yeah, that was him."

"It's weird…I always pictured him being…I don't know…different." Mike said quietly.

"Yeah…we all did once or twice in our lives." I said almost sadly.

"What are you going to do?" Mike asked still quiet.

"I don't know…work." I said honestly.

"Can you do that around him…I mean can you be around him? You two seemed to be have some problems tonight." Mike said.

"I'm sorry; I don't know what you mean." I said dishonestly.

"I mean the tension between you two seemed to be growing with each passing minutes. And then when you came back from your smoke…he was out there…you came back…I don't know…angry."

"I'm sorry Mike." I said whispering out my apology.

"Hey, no need for 'sorry'…I understand. You two have rough past…this investigation can't be easy."

It was times like these when I felt I didn't deserve the man who lay next to me. So loving…so understanding…what had I done to get a man like this? How had my bad luck turned to good in such a wonderful way?

There was silence and then I said "I don't know what I'm going to do Mike."

"Don't worry about it right now…sleep. When you wake up tomorrow…then you can worry about it, but right now…just let me hold you…and sleep."

I nodded before Mike kissed the nape of my neck softly.

It was then that I realized that this was going to be harder than I had anticipated…and I realized that I might be in a little bit of trouble.

A/N Sorry if the chapter is a little short, i felt it was important though. And just so you know there is GSR on the way, but maybe not quite in the way you want, and for those of you who dont want to see them get back together, dont worry, i have a plan. Thanks for all the reviews!


	14. Be Happy, I'm Happy

My office was dark, as it normally was these days. People would be arriving for work soon, and I would have to leave the dark confines of my security blanket that was my office and leave. People would expect me to take charge especially on this case, this was a hard one.

Memories of last night danced in my head, and I wished they would go away. Sara…my dear sweet Sara. Why had I done the things I did. I tried to remember why I started having sex with Catherine and couldn't remember…I couldn't come up with one good reason why. I felt so stupid. And now she was with a man her own age…he was good looking, smart, strong…everything I wanted to be and fifteen years younger.

I closed my eyes…

_There was a knock at my door and I knew who it was, but the pain of the situation she presented hurt still. _

"_Come in." I called. _

_I heard the door open and I looked up to see the vision of beauty walk in. _

"_You wanted to see me Gil?" _

_My name rolling off her tongue still elated me, even though I was about to let all of that go. _

"_Yes, sit down Sara." _

_She did as I asked and looked at me with expectant eyes. _

"_I need to talk to you…about us." _

_I could see the fear come crashing into her eyes and my heart constricted. _

"_Wha…what about us?" She asked trying to hide her stutter. _

"_I'm ending us…" I began._

"_Why!" She quickly protested. _

"_Sara…the age difference between us…"_

"_I've already told you I don't give a damn about that…I love you Gill…why can't you just take that for what it is?"_

"_Because one day you're going to look at me and wish you could be with someone younger…someone who can still satisfy your needs."_

"_Just being with you satisfies my needs." Sara said honestly, but I still looked at her unbelievingly. _

_She smiled softly, got up from her seat, and walked around my desk to come sit on my lap. I looked at her with surprise but the words she whispered in my ear made me feel eternally stupid. "I will never want to be with someone younger…I will never want to be with someone who's not you…I love you." _

I shook my head at the memory. I was about to list off the reasons why I was so incredibly stupid to myself when there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." I called. I was expecting Greg or Archie to come to me with some annoying fact I didn't need to know.

What I didn't expect was for the vision of beauty to walk through my office door.

"Grissom?"

My head was suddenly spinning. "Sara what are you doing here so early?"

"Early?" She gave me a funny look. "Griss…" The nickname made something warm spread through me, though I don't think the use of the name had been intentional. "Shift starts in ten minutes…we just wanted to drop by and give you these."

'_We'? _Sara walked in further and I saw Mike follow in after her, holding a file in his hand.

"We just go these this morning…it's an overview of the case we were working back in New York." Mike stepped forward and handed me the file.

"Okay well, we'll be waiting in the break room." Sara said as she turned to leave.

She was just out the door when I called out "Sara…"

She turned to me with question in her eyes. "Yeah?"

I didn't know what I was doing, but I had to do something. "How are you?"

"I'm alright Grissom…thanks" She said before she turned and left.

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Well that was a step up from yelling at me last night.

I sat at my desk, trying to prepare myself for the upcoming night when I sensed a presence at the door.

I looked up to see Catherine standing in my door way.

"We're waiting Grissom…just wanted to let you know."

I nodded and said "I'll be there in two minutes."

Catherine nodded and then left my doorway.

I opened the file Mike had handed me and read its contents. I felt a little bit of pride as I read the words 'Senior CSI Sidle heading investigation'. She truly had done well for herself in New York. I remember a few years after she had left, one of the few times I had heard of her, I had been at a conference.

_I sat at the bar, sipping whiskey. She hadn't been here…I had hoped…but my hope wasn't worth much these days. _

_Two men sat next to me, ordered their drinks, and started to talk animatedly. _

"_Yeah Jack's got a girl in New York…real fine CSI." One man, an older man said to a young blonde man._

"_Yeah, I heard about her when I was in California…solved a big serial I guess." The blonde said. _

"_Yeah, I remember that case…three Crime labs working on it…and she comes through with the bust single handedly." The older man said. _

_I was only mildly interested. _

"_I've met her once…she's very intelligent…and beautiful." The blonde took on a dreamy sort of tone._

"_Yeah…I say Jack lucked out when he picked her up, moved to New York from Las Vegas…apparently she worked for Gil Grissom…what made her leave his lab, I don't know, but Jack got lucky…that's for sure." _

_My interest peaked…were they talking about Sara…no…yes, they had to be._

"_Yeah…their solve rate went through the roof…top lab in the country now." _

"_Yeah…Sara Sidle is something."_

I finished reading the report and closed the file, putting it on top of the other files I had to bring with me. I stood and picked up the stack of files and headed out of my office towards the break room.

"Yeah…New York is great…you should come visit me some time…" Sara voice echoed in the halls. "Yeah Mike and I are really happy…"

_Sara lay nestled in my arms. "Are you happy Ms. Sidle?" _

"_Couldn't be happier Mr. Grissom." _

_A/N _I guess i was inspired today and decied to update right away. And for you GSR shippers...dont be worried...i have plan that i think will make u and the people who dont want to see them back together happy...its just going to take a little while to get there. Thanks for the reviews!


	15. Still Hurting

_The Boston sea air smelled sweet and bitter at the same time as I sat sharing dinner with a professor of mine…or an old professor of mine now, I guess._

"_So Sara…where are you going from here?" _

"_I think…I'm going to San Francisco…I got a job offer there you know." I said happily taking a sip of the ice tea that sat in front of me. _

"_Really? San Francisco? Right out of college? I'm impressed Sara." _

_I beamed…praise from my professor was the best. "That's Jack…that means a lot." _

_There was silence and then "You know…if you ever need it…there will always be a place for you in New York…at my lab." _

_I looked at Jack with wide eyes, almost choking on my ice tea. "Jack…seriously…why?"_

"_You were my best student…my lab would do well and be lucky to have someone like you on our team…I'm not saying come now…give up San Francisco, but should the predicament over arise where you need a job…call me up, anytime…and you've got a job."_

_I didn't know what to say to that, so I stood up, walked around the table, and hugged him._

Grissom walked briskly into the break room, files in hand. As far as I knew there hadn't been any new murders…and we were going to work off of what we had already collected. Tonight, as far as I could see, would be a night were we would just collaborate the evidence we had both collected, so we were all on the same page. Swing was picking up our shift, I think.

Grissom sat down and set the files he had in his hand on the table.

"I'll be leading this investigation." He said to the table, there was a collective nod and agreement. "Sara will be senior on this one." That brought about protest from Catherine.

"_Jack…it's Sara."_

"_Sara…how are you? I haven't heard from you in awhile." _

"_I know, I'm sorry about that…I just wanted to call and let you know, I'm moving."_

"_Moving? To where?"_

"_To Vegas…Gil Grissom has offered me a job." _

_Silence. "Sara, that's great!"_

"_Thank you Jack, I'm really excited about it…how are you?"_

"_I'm good…keeping busy." _

"_That's good, well listen, I'm at the air port, my flights about to take off…I'll talk to you later."_

"_Bye Sara... and Sara?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_My offer still stands."_

"Grissom…I'm senior CSI in this lab." Catherine objected.

"Not anymore…Sara has rank over you now…she promoted quite a bit in New York…and she was leading the investigations back in New York…it's only fair." Grissom said looking at Catherine.

Catherine was about to make a without a doubt, stupid retort when Nick interjected "So the investigation…what do we have?"

_Nick held my hand tightly as tears un-willingly came down my face. _

"_I'm going to call him."_

"_Sara…think about this…please."_

"_Nick…I have…I'm doing this."_

_I brought out my cell phone and hit a speed dial. _

"_Hello?" A familiar voice said on the other line._

"_Jack…it's Sara."_

"_Sara…how are you? Are you alright?"_

"_Jack…does your offer still stand?"_

"_Of course…why?"  
"Things haven't worked out the way…" I stopped I couldn't finish "Jack, I need a job."_

"_Then you have one…give your two weeks' notice…I'll have a spot ready for you."_

"_Jack?"_

"_Yeah Sara?"_

"_Thank you."_

_I hung up and broke out in sobs, which Nick just held me._

Mike talked animatedly to the table about our investigation. Everyone listened intently, except for Catherine who seemed a little too put off to care about what anyone was saying.

Mike left off for a moment and looked at me. He wanted me to add in on the first murder…I did, without the previous emotion I would have before, I tried my hardest to not let cases like these get to me anymore.

_The familiar, but older Jack, stood waiting for me at the baggage claim. When he saw me, he opened up his arms to me. I walked into them and was enveloped into the kind of hug I sometimes wished me and my father could have shared._

"_Ready to move on?"_

"_Like you wouldn't believe."_

I finished talking and Mike took over for me again. I looked at Grissom for a moment and met his horrified eyes…yes he knew…I knew it…I had been broken…I had burnt out…and there was no emotion that could fix it. But I had started new…and Grissom hadn't been there. Could I blame him…no…could he blame himself…of course.

"Moving onto the second murder…" Mike was still talking…and we…we were still hurting.

A/N Short chapter i know...i'm sorry, but i thought that it needed to be written. I might re-write it later if i come up with anything better. And i hope to get things really moving in the next chapter, which i hope will be soon. Thanks for all the reviews.


	16. To Close, Not Close Enough

I stood alone in the layout room, lit table before me with evidence cluttered all over the place. I looked over it all, trying to decide where to start. I concluded that I should start with the evidence Sara had collected in New York, to get myself acquainted with the unknown.

I walked over to a table nearby me, with all the evidence from New York and grabbed a bag from the first murder. I walked back to the layout table and began to carefully take out each piece of evidence.

I looked over everything, smiling to myself as I saw Sara's handy work in almost everything I touched. Her work had matured over the last five years, had become more precise and clean, making going through everything a breeze.

I was finishing going over the first murder, not seeing anything that the people in New York hadn't seen, when Sara walked in.

I looked up at her when I felt her presence enter the room. She met my eyes and smiled a small smile at me. I smiled back; even the lightest of smiles from her could bring the warmth of the sun rushing through me.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she stood opposite from me across the table, looking at what I had laid out.

"Evidence, from your first murder." I said looking down as what I had laid out as well.

"And?" She asked expectantly.

"And what?" I asked, not quite sure what she wanted from me.

"And what did you see?" She said looking at me.

I looked up at her; her gaze was still on me. "I really didn't see anything you hadn't already seen." I said honestly.

Seemingly satisfied with my answer, she walked to the other table to grab a bag of evidence from the second murder. She sat the bag on the edge of the table and came to stand next to me.

She put on a pair of latex gloves and then reached over me to move some of the evidence I had placed out, out of the way. The scent of her hair, though it was not the lilac I loved, drove me crazy.

When she was done she began placing evidence from the second murder out.

"Where is everybody?" I asked, trying to fill the silence.

"Nick and Greg are out in the field…Swing was short staffed tonight…I hope you don't mind."

I smiled silently to myself, she had played boss and sent them out. "Not at all."

"And Warrick and Mike went to a previous crime scene of yours …ours now…one of the more recent ones…to see if they could pick anything else up." Sara said preoccupied with the task in front of her.

"And Catherine?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Sara stiffed in her movements momentarily, but tried to mask it. I mentally kicked myself for bringing her up. Just when I got Sara to talk normally to me, when I got her to stand by me without trying to hurt me some way, I had to bring up the thing that tore us apart.

"She's pouting in your office." Sara said, finished with the task she had set out to do. She smiled at me when she said this and I couldn't help but smile too.

I turned to look at the evidence she had laid out on the table. "So what do we have here?"

She turned to look and the table too and said "Well, this was from out second murder, three days after the first. We found the girl in an ally tree blocks west of a famous night club."

The way she said 'the girl' made me wince on the inside.

"_Grissom, what do you want from me?" Sara asked angrily from the chair that sat in front of my desk._

"_I want you to act like a professional." I said emotionlessly even through on the inside all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her to just let it out…be mad…be upset…show your emotions…I love you._

"_Grissom…the girl was brutally raped and murdered and then left out in the middle of the desert…do you just want me to act like that doesn't affect me?" _

_There was silence. "Sara…I…"_

"_Save it Grissom…" Sara got up slowly from her seat and walked to the door. She turned the knob and opened it and then stopped half way out the door. "I think I need a break…" And then she was gone._

Sara finished going over the general evidence quickly and turned to look at me with her beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

"Any questions?" She asked calmly.

I shook my head 'no' and she nodded, spreading the evidence out more so that we could go over it together.

I put on a new pair of gloves and set to work, with Sara close by my side. It felt just like old times, like we were seven or eight years into the past…and we were still friends, and we could still love.

Throughout re-processing we got closer as if there was a magnet inside of us, drawing us subconsciously closer to each other. We bumped shoulders every now and then and sometimes her hand would come to rest a little bit too close to mine. And for once in a long time, I felt warmth on the inside…wholeness, and I really did forget the past seven years. For a minute…it was just me and Sara…and no one else.

Just as we were finishing up Sara turned to me, not realizing how close we were. Her eyes locked on mine in a gripping stare. I could feel the heat of her bodying radiating to mine. Our face's were just inches apart.

_Sara and I were in the layout room, pulling a double, working hard to solve a case that had kept Sara tossing and turning at night. _

"_There!"She said excitedly._

_She pointed a picture in front of us. I looked to where her finger pointed and felt a sudden sense of adrenaline. _

"_Sara, you did it! You solved it!" _

_She turned to me and flashed me a one hundred watt smile, making my heart skip a beat and feel like it was going to burst out of my chest with love. _

_Suddenly, before I knew it Sara was inches away from me, her face closing in on mine. Her lips touched mine softly…_

"_I love you." _

"Grissom." She breathed out. It was no 'Gil' but it wasn't the harsh way she normally said my name. Her eyes never wavered, making my heart beat wildly at our closeness.

I could smell her…all of her…I could feel her for the first time in years. Though we weren't fully touching, just being so close to her…made me feel the feelings I had longed for, for years.

"Sara." I breathed back, lost in her eyes.

She about to say something when there was a loud "GRISSOM!" that rang through the halls.

Sara sort of jumped and backed away quickly. She blushed and looked down at her feet, looking like she had done something terribly wrong. I caught her eyes briefly and saw that they looked…sad, distressing, and heartbreaking.

"GRISSOM!"

Sara suddenly looked up at me, the emotion I had witnessed early far gone. Her eyes were blank, her voice empty. "That sounds like Catherine."

I nodded, not knowing what to do…pining suddenly for the moment lost. I wanted to cry, wanted to divulge all of my deepest feelings, secrets, and pains.

"I think she wants you…I'll clean up here, we can go over it later."

"No…Sara…"

She gave me a tight and forced smile, the kind I hated. "No, Grissom really…go. If it'll make you feel better, I'll wait here and continue to go over what we have."

"Sara…I…"

"GRISSOM!" Catherine cut me off, making me want to punch something very hard.

"Go Grissom, before she tears the apart looking for you." Sara said with little humor.

I slumped my shoulders forward, deflated and nodded my head in defeat. Sara turned her back to me and began to go over the rest of the evidence we had.

I walked past her and out of the layout room, missing all the things I had taught myself not to miss.

If this was what it was going to be like, I knew I would surely be defeated for whatever reason. Whether it was always being so close to Sara, and having to work closely with her, while never being able to have her, or watching her love Mike the way she used to love me, or Catherine killing me…I was going to be defeated…beat down…worn down to the core. Something was going to happen, it was only a matter of time…something would surely happen. I could only hope to be ready for it.

With one last look at Sara through the glass window of the layout room, I set out to find the hurricane disaster that happened to be my wife.

A/N trying to get things started, i don't know if you can see it. trying to cut the angst too, but i don't think i did so well, oh well...what are you going to do? Thanks for all the reveiws!


	17. Home?

The lit table before me seemed to mesmerize my brain, unable to think about anything else other than the moments that had passed before this very table.

Only one stuck out in my mind though.

_I stood next to Nick as we poured over the evidence we had brought in hours ago. I yawned despite myself and rubbed my eyes from their blurring vision. _

_Nick took notice and smiled. "I think it's time we call it a quits."_

_I looked up at him like he had gone crazy. _

"_Okay…a coffee break then?"_

_I smiled and nodded my head as Nick and I started to go about the business of locking up the evidence. Once we were done, we proceeded to the break room for some much needed coffee and a break. _

_Nick poured two cups of coffee once we arrived in the empty break room, one for me and one for him. I sat on the couch and Nick came to join me, handing me my cup as he sat down. _

"_So how have you been?" Nick asked smiling at me before taking a sip of his coffee._

"_I've been fine, and you?" I asked. _

"_I'm good…how have you and Grissom been?"_

"_We're good." _

"_Are you sure?" _

_I looked at Nick "I promise" It sounded like a lie even to me, but Nick dropped it, knowing I wouldn't talk._

"_So, Warrick, Greg, and I are going out tonight…do you want to come?" _

_I looked at Nick and smiled. "Actually, I think Grissom and I are going to go out for the night." _

"_Oh really? Where?" Nick asked seeing right through my lies. _

_My brain worked quick to come up with a name of a restaurant "He said he wanted to surprise me." _

_Nick was about to come up with a retort when we both saw Grissom and Catherine walking past the break room. I shifted uncomfortably when I saw that they were a little too close for my comfort and actually got up from my seat when I saw them enter his office. _

"_I lied Nicky…I do want to go out with you guys tonight…I need a night out to…unwind." I turned to Nick and saw him smiling at me from his seat. "Shut up." I said before he could come up with something smart to say. _

_Twenty minutes later as Nick and I returned to our evidence Grissom walked into the layout room looking, pleased. _

_He walked over to me and tried to kiss my lips, but I turned my head and gave him my cheek instead. He gave me a puzzled look but said "Hey, I was thinking we could do dinner tonight." _

_I smiled almost sheepishly "Uh…sorry Gil…I promised Nicky I would go out with him tonight." _

_He looked hurt. "Nick? Where are you guys going?" Grissom asked Nick more than me._

"_Ah…Benny's." Nick said. _

"_The bar?" Grissom asked. _

"_Yeah…the bar." Nick confirmed. _

"_Can I come?" Grissom asked. _

"_If you want…but I don't think you'll have much fun." I said._

"_Sure I will." Grissom said._

"_Griss…" I said pulling out the name that made him cringe, that made him know that I was upset. "I really don't think you'll have fun…I won't be home late." _

_He nodded at me and then turned and left. _

"Sara?"

I turned from the table full of evidence that stood before me and to the voice that had called me.

Grissom stood in the doorway of the layout room, he looked worn down…and the anger that had come with the previous memory faded.

"Yeah Griss?" I asked trying to smile at him.

"Make any head way on that evidence?" He asked as he entered the room.

I sighed heavily. "Sadly no. I got through the second murder. I put the evidence over there for you to go over." I pointed to the second layout table in the room that was cluttered with the evidence I had just re-re-processed.

"Thanks." He said as he walked over to the table I had just pointed at.

I nodded and turned my attention back to the evidence Grissom's team had collected from their first murder.

After a couple minutes Grissom stopped, sighed, and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

I looked over at him and asked "Are you alright?"

Grissom sighed again and nodded his head yes.

"Are you sure?" I asked not believing it.

"Yes Sara...I'm sure." Grissom said turning his attention back to the evidence I had laid out for him.

"How are you and Catherine?" As soon as the words came out I got a bad taste in my mouth. But I was trying to show I still cared. Just because out romantic relationship failed…didn't mean we couldn't have a friendship.

Grissom's head snapped in my direction. "We're fine." He said tightly before he practically collapsed into the chair behind him.

I grew concerned and walked over to where he sat. I put a hand on his shoulder, suddenly drawn to touch him somehow. "Are you sure? When was the last time you took a break?"

Grissom turned and looked at me. He covered the hand on his shoulder with his and I felt the familiar warmth that came from his touch.

"I'm sure…I'm fine. But now that you mention it…I could use a break. I hope you don't mind…are you going to be here for a while?"

"Yeah…I'll leave this stuff out for you…and if I leave, I'll lock it up for you." I said stepping away from him.

He nodded gratefully and got up. He looked at me and then suddenly his arms were around me. It was a quick hug…a desperate one, but I didn't resist it. I loved the warmth that came from his body…I couldn't deny it.

"Thanks Sara." He said before he left the lab once again.

I sighed myself and walked back to the table I was looking over.

I was just getting into it when something else interrupted me.

"Sara?"

My blood suddenly began to pulse with excitement. I knew that voice…I had heard that voice many, many times over the phone…I had missed the person that voice belonged to. I couldn't believe it had taken this long to see him.

I turned to look at the figure that stood in the doorway. My heart filled with joy and all the pain I had felt before went away…replaced by happiness.

"Brass?"

"Cookie…your home!"

I ran into his open arms and flung my arms around his next.

"I'm home."

A/N I find that i have some writers block here and there, i try to work through it, but i can't promise i'll be able to update ofter, i will try though. I am very very very happy though because the cubs clinched the central division! So that might give a little inspiration. Thanks for all the reviews!


	18. Left Hanging

I hated days like these…when you were working on an important case and the evidence just stopped. I hated it even more when your brain just stopped along with the evidence.

My coffee had gone cold as I sat in the break room contemplating my current situation. I knew the break I had taken was long overdone and that Sara was waiting or not waiting for me to return to the layout room, but I couldn't bring myself to go. Either way I knew I had to get back to work. I don't know why, but it was like my backside was glued to the chair I had chosen to sit in and there was no getting up.

I knew I should've gotten back to work and I moved to do so, when I heard footsteps coming down the hall.

"Sara was right." I heard the familiar voice of Warrick say.

"She usually is, in all the time I've work with her she's hardly ever been wrong. And in all the time I've loved she has NEVER been wrong." I heard the not so familiar voice of Mike say

Even though his comment hurt somewhat, I couldn't keep the smile off of my face, because I knew his statement must be true.

"She's going to love what we have to tell her." Warrick said excitedly.

"I have no doubt. Not only will she be able to say I told you so, but it might bring her some rest. I cannot tell you how many nights she's tossed and turned over this case."

I shuddered at the thought of Mike and Sara sharing a bed, but I kept listening, intrigued.

Warrick gave out a sober laugh. "Yeah, Sara loves to say 'I told you so'."

There's a short pause then I heard Mike say "Believe me…I know."

Something had happened, or was about to happen. I suddenly felt no need to get up and go back to Sara. If it was important, Sara would come find me, and then I would get back to work. Besides the less time I had to spend in the same room as Sara and Mike, the better.

True to my prediction, about ten minutes later, Sara came and found me. She practically ran into the break room, eyes searching until they landed on me.

"Grissom…we have a break…a lead." Sara huffed out; I guessed she had run all over the lab before she ended up here.

"Yes, I figured…I heard Warrick and Mike when they came back from the field."

Sara frowned slightly "Yes they found something, but that's not the break…well I mean it is…but there's more." She seemed to be in some sort of disarray, like her brain was trying to process to much all at the same time.

I frowned myself "What do you mean?"

"Come…I'll show you." Sara said as she turned to leave.

When I didn't get up, she turned back around and looked at me.

"Grissom…come on…I have to show you this." Sara said a sense of urgency in her voice.

I don't know why I didn't get up, but I couldn't. I wanted to follow her, wherever she took me, I wanted to go…but I couldn't bring myself to get up.

Sara sighed after a moment of waiting passed. She walked up to me and put her hands on her hips.

"Grissom…what the hell is wrong with you?" Sara looked down at me with…concern…anger…exasperation?

I sighed "Sara…"

"Griss, let's go." Sara said, reaching down and taking me by the hand. She pulled me up from my seat, with a surprising amount of strength and started to drag my down the hallway…still holding tightly to my hand.

It was all I could to do but to not go with her. With her touch, my legs followed willingly, knowing she was taking me somewhere I wanted to be.

We arrived at the layout room, and to my relief it was empty. When Sara pulled up in front of the table, she let go of my hand, and I suddenly felt…cold.

"I was going over the evidence from you first murder and noticed this…" Sara began, pointing to a picture taken at the first crime scene. It was a gym membership card that we had found discarded near her body. "At first I didn't think anything of it, a lot of people belong to a gym…but as I began to reprocess I noticed this…" Sara pointed to another picture.

I looked at the picture from the second murder. "What am I looking at?"

"This…" She said pointing to the far corner of the picture. "Look at the man."

I looked…and I saw. "Yeah…it's a bystander…what about it?"

"Look at his shirt." Sara said exasperatedly.

I looked…the man was wearing a shirt that advertised the same gym the first victim belonged to. "What about it?" I asked.

Sara sighed "I sent Warrick and Mike to the second crime scene of yours…guess what they found on the victim's dresser?" I could feel her excitement building.

"What?" I asked knowing that she wanted to tell me.

"Your second victim belonged to the same gym. They found her membership card on her dresser."

"Sara, I don't see the relevance in this unless…"

"Grissom, I don't know if you know this but this gym is a nationwide company. Gyms in forty-nine states…Alaska never caught on. The relevance is this…there is a Body Tone gym in New York. All three of our victims belonged to that gym, and the two of your victims belonged to that gym as well." Sara said cutting me off.

"Sara…that's great but how does this give us a break?"

"The gym has traveling instructors…'World renowned' that's how they get away with it…that's how this gives us a break." Sara said sighing slightly.

Suddenly it dawned on me. All tiredness and self pity dissipated and excitement much like Sara's, became evident in my blood stream.

"Sara…that's great! How did you…I mean where did you…"

"Grissom calm down…I just noticed something that tied all of our victim's together. CSI's do it all the time." Sara said modestly, but smiling all the same.

"But you figured out the common link! We didn't even see that our two victims shared the same gym…you saw that all the victims shared the same gym…we've been tripping over our selves for two weeks now…and you…"

"I get it Griss." Sara said smiling, placing a soft had on my shoulder. "I'm amazing…I know."

"Yes…you are amazing." I said smiling at her, taking her hand off my shoulder, and holding it.

Sara smiled at me questioningly. "What would we do without you on this case?" I asked.

"Oh I don't know…chase your tails in circles?" Sara asked squeezing my hand.

"Yes…most likely." I said staring to close the space between us. When Sara didn't protest or move away, I was encouraged, and my heart began to pound as her face neared mine.

"Sara?" I heard a voice down the hall. I shut my eyes tight as I heard Sara's loud intake of breath, then I felt her jump back from me and tare her hand away from mine.

I opened my eyes to see her staring apologetically at me and then shift her eyes to the door, where I felt a new presence.

"Baby…I'm taking my break now…I wanted to know if you would join me in the break room for some coffee." I heard Mike's voice behind me.

I saw Sara smile brightly, much like she had done minutes ago and then she said "Yeah…of course…but is this your way of forcing me to take a break?"

I heard a chuckle behind me "Someone's got to."

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Sara said before she looked back to me.

I heard Mike walk way and then Sara said "Will you lock this up when you're done?"

I hung my head and nodded. But looked up, shocked when I felt her soft hand caress my own. "Thanks Griss…I owe you one."

I nodded, too surprised to say anything. Sara walked away from me and out of the room. I heard her say "Waiting to make sure I came?"

"Well someone has to look after you and make sure you're taken care of."

"And what good care you do give me." I heard Sara giggle.

"That's cause I love you."

"I love you too."

I couldn't help myself, I hung my head again.

A/N I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I'm still trying to work through this writter's block. Thanks for all the reviews!


	19. Too Good To Be True

_I walked into the cool hallway and sighed in contentment. I was finished for now and I was ready to go back to the hotel for a late night of pop corn and bad oldies movies with Mike and most likely Ben, depending on how he was feeling._

"_Sara…are you finished with re-processing?" Grissom's voice rang through the halls to where I stood. _

_I looked at him, looked to the layout room I had just exited, and then back to him. "Yeah, I just finished locking everything up." I called back to him. _

_It puzzled me as to why we were talking so far away from each other and why my voice had an echo in the normally echo-less hallway. _

"_Good, did you find anything new…any new breaks…anything me and my team missed?" Grissom smiled at me. _

_I laughed "No…not that I could see." _

"_Good…come see me in my office when you have a chance will you please?" Grissom asked throwing me a flirtatious smile before turning and leaving. _

"_Yeah sure, be there in a few." I called after him, though whether he heard me or not was questionable. _

_That really confused me. Grissom never flirted openly with me, even when we were together. Now we weren't even together, he was with Catherine and I with Mike and he knew that and yet now he flirts openly? And he seemed happy? Was he happy? _

_I left the spot I had been rooted to moments before and began to look for Mike. It didn't take long to find him. He was in the break room with Nick and Warrick, laughing hysterically at something Nick had just got done saying._

"_Hey babe, what did I miss?" I asked as I walked into the room. _

_I walked to where Mike sat and kissed him on the lips. _

"_Mmmm, nothing…" Mike said trying to stop laughing. _

"_Oh really?" I asked raising an eyebrow. _

"_Really." Warrick said not trying to stifle his laughter at all._

"_Whatever," I said giving up "I was wondering if you were ready to go soon. I have a fin night planned for us." _

_Mike looked apologetic all of the sudden and Warrick and Nick stopped laughing almost instantly. _

"_What is it?" I asked knowing something was up immediately. _

"_Ahh…Nick and Warrick were going to take me out to a bar tonight…mens night out you know…I'm sorry babe. You can come if you want…"_

_Nick and Warrick groaned and I slapped the nearest head, which happened to be Nick's._

"_Hey, what the hell?"_

"_No, babe that's fine, I'll just hang with Ben tonight, we'll just have fun without you," I paused and then said "you have fun. Keep your cell on." Mike nodded before I kissed him goodbye and started to head for Grissom's office. _

_The halls were quiet as I made my way down. It was eerie and weird, the halls were never this empty, the labs were never this quiet. _

_I finally arrived at Grissom's office. His door was closed so I knocked. _

_A deep voice called "Come in." So I opened the door and entered the semi-dark office. _

"_Grissom?" I called._

"_Yes, Sara…take a seat." I heard Grissom's voice._

_Once my eyes adjusted to the lights, I took a seat in one of the chairs that sat in front of Grissom's desk. _

"_You wanted to see me?" I asked, looking at Grissom expectantly. _

"_Yes Sara…I did." Came Grissom's husky voice, wafting…seductively to my ears._

"_Why?" I asked becoming slightly nervous despite myself. _

_There was silence "I've missed you Sara…I really really have. I was stupid…and I miss you." Grissom sincere voice touched my heart. _

"_Grissom I…"_

"_Let me finish Sara…I love you. I always have and I always will. I love you with all my heart. I love you so much it hurts. I can't be with Catherine anymore…I want to be with you…I love you." Grissom sudden confession jammed my brain…made my heart beat faster. _

_There was more silence, Grissom waited until I could find my voice. "I…I love you too." I couldn't help myself…my heart was making my brain say things I didn't completely agree with. _

_Suddenly there was a scrape of metal on tile as Grissom rushed to push his chair back and he made his way quickly and hurriedly to where I sat. _

_He stopped short, just short enough to not run into my knees. _

"_Sara…I missed you…I need you." He breathed down at me. _

_I stood quickly, almost knocking Grissom off balance but he grabbed on to my arms quickly to steady himself. Subsequently bringing his body closer to mine. _

"_I've miss you too." I said bring my face closer to his. _

"_Do you need me?" He asked his voice low and husky._

"_Yes." I whispered before Grissom brought his lips crashing into mine. _

_There was nothing soft about the kiss…it was hard, hurried, needed, passionate, and so many more things that made my heart almost stop with excitement and almost forgotten love. Grissom ran his tongue along my bottom lip, begging for entrance that he hadn't been able to ask for, for five years. _

_I of course, let him in graciously and greedily, realizing I had missed the taste of his mouth in mine. _

_I moaned as he placed on hand on my backside and another along my back, closing any and all space that still existed between us. _

_He broke apart for seconds managing to huff out "I need you…now." I knew he wasn't lying, I could feel how aroused he was. He waited long enough for me to nodded before he broke apart from me and turned to pushed everything off his desk…sending papers flying, flies and books crashing to the floor. _

_He turned to me and lifted me up onto the desk, lowering himself on top of me. "I need you…" He said again._

"_Then take me Gil…" I said in a husky voice of my own. _

_He moaned before he began to feast on my neck repeating my name over and over. _

"_Sara."_

"_Sara."_

"_SARA"_

"_Sara…wake up…"_

"Sara…sweetie…wake up."

I opened my eyes quickly. I looked to my left and saw Mike hovering over me slightly.

"Sara…sweetie it was just a dream…was it a bad one? You were tossing and turning a lot."

I nodded before I turned on my side away from him and sighed. I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep to visit me again.

A/N How evil am I? I'm sorry, i am...writters block broken? maybe...we'll see how quickly inspiration finds me. Thanks for all the reviews!


	20. Rainbows and Butterflies

It was late when I managed to pull myself away from my desk, still laden with full case reports. I looked at the clock on my wall and saw that I was about two-thirty in the morning. I knew that when I got home, Catherine wouldn't be there waiting for me. For the past couple months, she had been getting home later and later.

I never asked for an excuse because, I knew what was happening. I had done it already to another person; I was wise enough to see the signs, because I had at one time presented them myself.

I locked up my office and left. I walked slowly to my car, in no hurry or mood to get back to my empty house.

One my way home, I stopped at the Dunkin' Doughnuts drive-through to get a late night snack. Pulling out of the drive-through Sara was suddenly on my mind. I don't know what put her there, but suddenly I couldn't think of anything else.

I didn't manage to get Sara off my mind until I pulled up into my driveway. Catherine's car sat on the right side of the driveway. My mind began to whorl with questions…none of them could possibly have good answers.

I got out of my car slowly, prolonging every step I took towards my now not welcoming house. I unlocked the door tentatively, afraid of what awaited be on the other side. I stepped inside slowly and called out "Honey, I'm home."

I was met by silence and decided to walk further into my home. The kitchen was empty, but when I entered the living room I found Catherine sitting there with a half empty bottle of wine on the table and a full glass in her hand. The image was all too familiar, different woman, but same scenario. I was suddenly filled with dread, dread I didn't know this relationship was capable of.

"Catherine?" I asked trying to get her attention.

She looked up to me with a weird look in her eyes, one that I had seen before, one that told me there was trouble up ahead.

"Grissom…we need to talk."

_Oh God, we're using my last name now…this cannot possibly be good. _

"Okay, what about?" I asked sitting in a chair that sat across from the couch which currently held Catherine.

"About us…I don't know how to say this…I didn't want it to come to this…to be this way…" Catherine began to ramble and that made me more nervous.

"Catherine what are you trying to say?" I asked calmly, surprising myself at how steady my voice was.

"I cheated on you!" Catherine suddenly blurted out.

And that's when my blood ran cold and dread set in, but for different reasons than one might think. I loved Catherine and I cared for her, but not in the way I got the feeling she needed me to, and really…I just didn't want to be alone again.

"Okay…" I didn't know what to say…I was suddenly at a loss for words.

"I love you Gil I do…and I know you love me too, but just not the way I need. I just…I needed…"

"Stop…" My voice curtly cut her off and she looked worriedly up at me. "What does this mean then?"

Catherine looked almost hurt at me but then said "Grissom…if you're not going to fight for me…fight with me after I cheated on you…I think…I think we should separate."

There was silence and then Catherine suddenly continued "I don't want to work at the lab anymore…I…think I'm going to California with…"

"With who Catherine?" I said a little hurt suddenly.

"With him." She whispered out.

"So then…I guess this means we're done then?" I asked standing suddenly.

Catherine set down her wine and stood to "Gil…don't hate me." She pleaded, but the reason for her pleas were lost on me.

"I don't hate you…but…" I stopped not wanting to finish the sentence.

"Why did I do it?" Catherine asked.

I nodded and Catherine walked closer to me and said softly "Gil, your heart never belonged to me…I'm going to pack some of my things." Catherine kissed my check lightly and then left the room.

I was left standing there, dumbfounded as to what her words meant. I knew what they meant of course, and knew of the truth behind them, but whether or not I wanted to admit that I had thrown my true love away and let her get picked up by another man was another thing.

My heart hurt a little and I took notice of it when my cell phone was suddenly ringing.

"Grissom." I answered rather quietly.

"Griss?" A voice asked on the other end, that voice got my heart racing almost immediately.

"Sara…what is it? Is something wrong?" I asked wondering at why she was calling so late.

"No Griss, everything is fine, I just figured you'd still be up, so I decided to call you and tell you the news now." Sara said almost cheerfully on the other end.

My mind began to run away with all sorts of wonderful news Sara could deliver for me but realistically I answered. "What's that?"

"Ben is doing better, he can come in tomorrow…I just wanted to give you the heads up that we'll have another mind working with us." Sara said happily.

I was deflated slightly but said all the same "That's great, tell him I'm glad he's feeling better."

"Will do Griss…take care." Sara said with sincerity that made my heart flutter.

"See you tomorrow." I hung up the phone and stuffed it back into my pocket, sighing.

"That was her wasn't it?" I heard Catherine behind me.

"How did you know?"

"You always sound…happier when you talk to her, like the world is all rainbows and butterflies."

There was silence…"I do care for you Catherine."

"I know you Grissom, but I was never her, and I can't fault you for that."

"I'm sorry Catherine."

"I am too."

A/N Okay sorry it took so long to update. And if you all remember the plan i mentioned earlier, it still stands so...yeah get hopeful but not to hopeful where GSR is concerned. Sorry if this one was kinda bad too, i tried really hard to work through some tough writters block. There's about 8-10 chapters left just so you know. Thanks for all the reviews!


	21. Surprising Confession

"So this is the Las Vegas crime lab huh?" Ben asked stepping out of our car. "Where our favorite girl worked for so many years…"

I looked over the hood of the car at Ben and threw him a sarcastic smile.

"Are we just going to stand out here or are we going to go in?" Mike asked as he came to stand next to me.

"Well, aren't we just a little anxious this evening." I said smiling up at Mike.

"Not at all…I just want to get started." Mike kissed my lips.

"Mike that's called being anxious." Ben said mockingly.

"Shut up and get inside." Mike threw in retort.

Ben put his hands up in surrender and said "Okay Okay, whatever you sat."

I smiled as began to walk towards the doors. Ben and Mike soon followed, having no choice really to do otherwise really.

I walked inside and smiled at Judy as I continued my way into the lab. I turned around and said "Ben…would you like the grand tour?"

"I would love it." Ben said excitedly, walking up to me and linking our arms together.

I heard Mike say "Oh brother." Before Ben and I set out, Mike following closely behind us.

I showed Ben all the labs, layout rooms, offices…everything. We arrived at the break room, still linked arm through arm, everyone was waiting for us.

"Sorry we're late, Ben wanted a tour." I said laughing. "Everyone this is Ben, one of my co-workers from New York…Ben this is Nick Warrick, Greg, Brass, and…Grissom." I was not unaware of the fact that Catherine was not there.

There was a collective hello before Grissom began to talk.

"Okay so, we've made some headway on this case, but some headway is not enough…we need to buckle down and catch this bastard."

There was a collective nod before Grissom split everyone up.

Ben followed Mike and I to a layout room.

When we arrived we got to work, there was no laughter or joking around, just serious, concentrated silence.

Half way through the night I looked up at Mike and said "Do you know what strikes me as odd?"

"What?" Mike asked as he looked up from a pair pants he had a magnifying glass to.

"This guy…Chase Butler shows up in all of these cases, knew every one of the girls in some way, but there's no forensic evidence linking him to the murders."

"What are you saying Sara?" Mike asked looking not at all puzzled.

"I think we have an experienced killer on our hands…but there is nothing linking this man to any of the murders, except…" I paused pulling up a finger print "This print, which was dismissed as trainer touching the personal items of a trainee."

"Sara…what are you getting at?" Mike said already knowing what I was going to say.

"He also called 9-1-1 for two of the girls."

"Sara…"

"I think we should consider…undercover work."

Mike gave me a knowing look, but what Ben said next surprised me "I think your right Sarah."

"What!" Mike and I both said in unison.

"I think it's this guy too…we just need to prove it, and undercover work seems to be the only way to go about it."

Mike sighed "Maybe your right…we should talk to Grissom about this and see what he says…but…I don't know…I'm worried."

"Why?" I asked knowing full well what his concerns would be.

"Sara…who'd be going under? And don't tell me you don't know…it's most likely going to be you."

"Mike you worry too much…nothing's going to happen to me." I said as I moved to leave the lab.

Mike grabbed my hand before I could "Promise me?"

"I promise." I said with a tender kiss and then I was out the door.

I walked quickly down the lab halls; I was almost to Grissom's office when I saw Brass walking towards me.

"Brass…I need to talk to you…and Grissom…I'm heading over to his office now…can you come?"

"Sure thing cookie…is anything wrong?" Brass asked voice full of concern.

"No…yes…no…just come." I said before I continued to walk.

When I arrived at Grissom's door, Brass was right behind me. It was him who knocked on the door when I didn't.

"Come in." Came Grissom's tired voice.

I opened the door and Brass followed. Grissom looked up and furrowed his brow when he saw who it was.

"Sara…is there something wrong?"

"Well…there's something I need to discuss with the both of you." I said looking from Grissom to Brass.

"Sit down." Grissom said motioning to the two empty chairs in front of his desk.

Brass took one and I took the other, I shifted in my seat before I started.

"My team and I found a common link to all murders. His name is Chase Butler. He was a trainer for all the girls. His print was found at a scene but it was dismissed, he also called in for two of the girls other than that there is nothing linking the man to any of the murders… My team and I think that this is out guy…we want to go undercover…catch the guy in the act."

There was silence and the Brass said "Sara are you suggesting that you go undercover?"

"Well, me or Catherine…"

"Catherine no longer works here." Grissom cut in suddenly.

I was stunned…I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.

"I need an answer." I said hurriedly.

"This will have to be thought through…planned." Brass said.

"I know." I said slowly looking Brass in the eye.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Brass asked.

"I'm positive…if this brings this guy to justice…then yes…I want to do this." I said confidently.

Brass sighed and then got up "Okay…I have to go clear this with the DA…I'll be back."

I nodded and Brass turned and left the office…leaving Grissom and I alone.

"Grissom…" I started softly.

"She left me last night." He said not looking at me.

"I'm…I'm sorry."

"I should have seen it coming…she was having an affair…she said that she couldn't work here anymore…said she couldn't be with me anymore…she said she'd meet with her lawyer to get the divorce papers…she said it was because my heart never really belonged to her…" Grissom trailed off on his rant.

"Girss…I'm so sorry…"

Grissom cut me off again "She said it belonged to you."

His confession took me aback.

"Grissom…"

Grissom cleared his through at looked back down at his papers. "Sara you should get back to work…I'm sure Mike and Ben are waiting for you."

I nodded almost numbly as I got up from my seat. I walked out his office door, resisting the temptation to turn back around and look back, but I didn't. I kept walking, determined to tell Mike and Ben the news.

A/N It may not seem like it but the last couple chapters are coming up like 6-7 more at the most...i think. lol thanks for all the reviews!


	22. Worry Makes Things Happen

I sat at my desk, pouring over the case file I had request Nick get from Sara for me. She was right…undercover work was needed…and I hated it. I wanted to find some way out of it, some way where Sara didn't have to put her life in the hands of a killer.

I closed the file and almost threw across the room in frustration and fear. The only way I could tell Sara no, she couldn't do this, was if Brass came back to tell me that the DA had said no.

With a pang of jealousy and guilt, I realized that Mike must being worrying too…he must be freaking out just as much as I am…although he still possessed the right to try and talk Sara out of something, to sit down with her and list all the reason why what she was going to do was crazy.

There was a knock on my door, and the nervous knot in my stomach twisted and tightened around my gut.

"Come in" I called, knowing already who it was going to be.

The door knob twisted and then the door swung open. Brass stood in my doorway for a second and then stepped slowly into my office.

"You got your answer?" I asked anxiously.

Brass nodded and stepped further into my office, taking a seat in front of my desk. He threw a file onto my desk and sighed.

"They said yes…they gave her the 'ok'…" Brass said almost wearily.

I looked at him almost wide eyed and opened up the file in front of me. Sure enough…there was the paper work that the DA had filled out to give CSI Sara Sidle permission to go undercover.

My stomach fell to the floor, landing at my feet. My worry now tripled.

"Grissom…are you going to be okay?" Brass asked me, looking at me like he used to, when he was my close friend.

"Yeah…I'll be fine…I suppose I should call a meeting to let everyone know what will be going on." I said almost numbly.

"Are you going to be able to do this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Grissom…it is so obvious…you still love her."

I froze in my seat "What does that have to do with anything?" I said trying to brush it off.

"Everything…it has to do with everything…can you handle losing something you never really got back?"

His words sucker punched me in the stomach and I felt sick.

"Jim I don't know what you're talking about, but I have a meeting I have to conduct…if you'll please excuse me." I said getting up.

"Sure thing Gil…but remember she's not yours anymore…don't try to take her away from someone who deserves her."

I was shaken, but angry…what the hell did Jim know anyways?

I got out my pager and paged everyone to the break room. By the time I got there, everyone was waiting for me. Nick, Warrick, and Greg all wore curious and confused expressions, but Mike, Ben and Sara all knew what this meeting was for.

"I know some of you are not aware of this, but it has just been decided and signed off by the DA that Sara will go under cover. She will start after a debriefing she will have with the team that will be backing her up…that team includes you guys. We're going to need to work together, and we're going to need to work hard. Number one priority is Sara's safety, number two is catching this rat bastard…there will be a debriefing later tonight…I will page you when you need to be here. Understood?"

Everyone stared back at me blankly.

"Sara?" Nick asked looking to her for conformation. I knew what he thought…that I was making her do this.

Sara looked to him and nodded slowly.

"So is every one clear on what's happening?" I asked wanting to leave and go back to my office to fume some more.

"Not really." Warrick said kind of angrily.

"We'll discuss it later…if you will excuse me…" I said turning to take my leave.

"Grissom…what the hell!" Warrick said out raged that I would just brush him off…I couldn't blame him.

"Warrick, do I need to remind you that you are still on the clock, and I am still your supervisor…what ever problem has come up…wait till after work, I will gladly deal with it then." I said walking out briskly…before anyone could raise anymore objections.

I made it safely to my office, where I proceeded to throw everything off of my desk in anger.

Damn it! I didn't want her to do this. Not again…I had gone through this once…and I hated it…I did not want to go through this again…worrying myself sick…

"Grissom?" I heard my name being called softly from the other side of my closed door.

"What is it Sara?" I asked in an exasperated sigh.

The door opened to reveal Sara looking most beautiful, but very worried. "Grissom what happened in here?" She asked motioning to the mess on the floor, papers, files, books, and even some broken glass.

"I lost my temper…" I said, stopping myself before I would divulge my deepest feelings and fears.

"At what Grissom?" She asked, tempting me to come up with a good answer, a reason to have thrown things so violently.

"Sara, just leave it…it's…it's passed…it's done." I said sighing, trying to get my blood pressure under control.

Sara closed the door behind her before she stepped closer to me. I could smell her from where I stood; it did nothing to help my blood pressure.

"Grissom…talk to me please…we can still be friends right…I mean I know it's been a little hard since I got here…and we most defiantly did not leave off on the right foot, and maybe I didn't come back on the right foot, but I've moved on…old wounds heal…we can still be friends…talk to me please." Sara pleaded with me, stepping closer to me.

"Sara…please…I can't do this…" I didn't know where the words were coming from, but there they were, out in the open.

"What to do you mean Griss?" She asked in a soft, soothing voice.

"I'm afraid." I said suddenly, softly.

Sara stopped her advances towards me and stood still. "Gil…"

My heart stopped…she called me by my first name…I wasn't Grissom, I was Gil and it made my heart swell with hope that should have never been instilled.

"Sara…I don't want you to…"

"Gil…it's alright to be afraid…I'm sacred too…but I have one hell of a team backing me up…I'll be okay." She said almost lovingly as she finally stepped close to me and took my hand in hers. It wasn't a loving grip, but it was a caring one…and I would take in over nothing.

"Sara…I can't…I still…you need to let go." I could feel the urge to kiss her become strong.

"Gil…" She said softly and that was the end of it, I pulled her into me, my hand wrapped tightly against her slim waist and brought my lips crashing down onto hers.

I was surprised when she didn't pull away, and elated when she returned the kiss.

My happiness was short lived though. There was a knock at the door and Sara ripped away from me, eyes wide with shock, fear, guilt, and shame.

"I'm…I…I shouldn't have…I'm sorry Griss…I have…I have to go." She stumble over she self, one hand touching her lips lightly.

Sara almost ran to the door and flung it open, rushing past Jim who was standing there with his arm up in mid knock.

"What the hell was that?" He asked his eyes boring into me.

"Jim…please…not now." I said bending over to start picking up the things on the floor. I felt hurt beyond belief; Sara realized that kissing me had been a mistake. My heart was broken…again, I should have never kissed her…I should have just let her go…instead I think I might have messed up our friendship. I didn't want to take it back, but what I must have done to Sara…Jims words spoken to me not more than an hour ago reverberated in my head, louder than it would have been since he was standing right in front of me.

"_Sure thing Gil…but remember she's not yours anymore…don't try to take her away from someone who deserves her."_ He was right…I hung my head, my heart aching.

"Do you need some help?" Jim asked after a moment's silence.

I stood up and looked at Jim. He was standing in my door way, not looking angry or like he had something to say that would make my life harder, just like a friend who wanted to help out a friend.

"That would be nice…thanks Jim."

Jim came and bent down next to and began to pick up papers and files.

"You alright Gil?" Jim asked turning his head to look at me.

There was more silence where we just picked up more papers off of the floor.

"Thanks Jim…for not having anything to say."

"Hey man, you dug yourself a deep enough hole, you don't need my help to make it deeper."

I nodded as I threw a piece of glass into the garbage can. "Does this mean you don't hate me anymore?"

"This means…that if Sara can't hate you…than neither can I."

A/N Ok so it was bound to happen...right? It's not the end though...for GSR that is...i think...lol we'll have to see where inspiration leads me. Anyways thanks for the reviews!


	23. Everyone's Worried Super Sidle

It took all of what I had in me to look Mike in the eye, even though he was just talking random stuff at me…I could hardly do it. I felt the over whelming guilt that had made its home in my stomach, churning constantly.

"Baby is there something wrong?" Mike took a pause in his story to look at me with concerned eyes.

I put on the most genuine smile I could "Yeah of course."

"Sara…don't lie to me…what's wrong?"

He knew me to well…I could never lie to him and not be found out.

"I'm just nervous that's all." I said slowly.

Mike nodded, seemingly appeased with my answer. "I'm worried too, but you'll be surrounded by the best cops in Las Vegas…you'll be fine."

I nodded and Mike continued on with his story. Ben sat across from Mike who was listening half heartedly, his phone in his left hand texting someone.

We had an hour before we had to report to the lab for my undercover preparations, I was going to start to today. The DA didn't want to waste any time on this guy, they wanted him in cuffs as soon as possible, and "wasting" a day on getting ready was not on the agenda.

Mike had decided that it would be a good idea to lighten the mood with a story; he was the only one listening.

I had been nervous all day, despite the brave front I put up for everyone, I was a wreck on the inside. I always got nervous at the prospect of undercover work. I didn't like having to do it any more than anyone of my team mates or close friends liked watching me do it.

"Mike," I said cutting him off midsentence. "We have to go…we have to get to the lab." I wasn't quite looking at him, sort of looking just over his shoulder to the wall behind him.

Mike looked at me with a worried expression, his browed was furrowed, and his eyes held concern.

It wasn't beyond me to say that his concern wasn't well placed, the way I saw it, even from where I stood, his worry as very much appropriate…maybe that's what bothered me.

"Sure thing…just ahh…let Ben and I get our field kits together…then we'll head out, alright sweetie?"

His kindness, devotion, and loyalty to me was more than I could bear. I felt dirty, undeserving, but above all guiltier than hell itself. I nodded, unable to meet his gaze anymore. How could I have done this to him? Sure it was one kiss, but it was one kiss with another man that was not him…and I could never forgive myself for that fact.

Minutes later and Mike was standing by my side gently holding onto my left elbow as we left the hotel, almost as if to make sure I didn't get lost on my way out to the car. Ben also walked close by me, but he kept his hands to himself.

We walked out of the hotel into the late morning Las Vegas sun. It was normal for most of my co-workers to just be getting up now, or still be sleeping, but today was different. Today the lab had halted and everyone was on high alert and high anticipation about this undercover work…it always happened when one of Las Vegas' finest went under.

Mike drove, I sat in the passenger seat, and Ben sat in the back. Mike kept shooting me nervous glances and I could feel the worried atmosphere he created all around me.

I almost laughed at myself when he reached out and took my hand in his. His strong wall of confidence seemed to have broken since we left the hotel room, and he seemed to take on my worried anticipation as I took on his forgotten confidence.

"Mike…I'm not going to break down or collapse from the pressure, and I'm not made of glass…the bastard hasn't killed me yet." I said, my voice betraying the nervousness I was trying to keep hidden.

Mike took his eyes off the road momentarily to look at me and then said on an exasperated sigh "Sara…that's not funny."

"It wasn't supposed to be" I said under my breath.

"What was that?" Mike asked his eyes still on the road.

"Nothing…I'm just stressed out is all." I said, not lying in the least.

"Sara…I'm just a little…"

"Looks like Brass set up an escort to walk me into the lab, Jesus, I'm not even under yet and they act like I'm the target of a serial killer." I cut off Mike as we pulled into the parking garage of the crime lab.

The irony of the statement I had just made was not lost on Mike or Ben and the atmosphere in the car stiffened with anticipation and worry…which was starting to upset me.

When Mike parked the car we all got out and walked up to where three officers stood waiting for us. Two of them I recognized from when I used to work in Vegas…they had been rookies then…the other I had never seen before.

"What's with the escort boys?" I asked finally achieving the unshaken voice I had strived for in the car.

"Miss Sidle…"

"Sara…please." I said to the first officer, one of the ones I recognized…Pettersen was his name.

"Sara…Detective Brass requested that we escort you to his office…he wants to talk to you." Pettersen explained.

"Why do I need an escort? I'm not under cover just yet." I said smiling at the officers.

"Miss Sidle," Franklin, the other officer I recognized began "You are very important to this lab…five years absence or not…you are important. Captain Brass just wants to make sure you're safe…you're like his daughter…"

"I get it." I said cutting Franklin off by putting my hand up to stop him. "Can my boyfriend come with?"

Franklin and Petersen looked at Mike and gave him a formidable look…apparently their loyalties lay with Grissom.

"I'm afraid not Miss. Sidle." Said the officer I didn't know.

"Please…call me Sara." I said again.

"Sara, Captain Brass said he wanted to talk to you in privet."

"And you are…officer…?" I almost asked rudely.

"Sorry, Officer Henderson."

I gave him a once over and then turned to Mike who stood close to my side.

"I guess I have to go with them then." I said smiling teasingly at Mike.

He didn't return the smile but instead looked at me with apprehension dancing behind his beautiful green eyes.

"Mike, I'll be fine…I'll see you in twenty minutes top…I'm not out in the field yet…I'll be fine stop worrying." I said trying to ease his worries.

He nodded and I stood on my tip toes to kiss his lips softly.

"I love you." I whispered pulling back slightly.

I could feel Mike relax a little as he said "I love you too."

I tuned reluctantly away from Mike and to the officers and said "Okay…take me to Brass…let's not leave him waiting."

The officers nodded and turned to walk into the lab, I followed but not before turning around one more time to wave to Mike and Ben who were still standing at the base of the sidewalk in the garage.

The two officers I knew walked in front of me while the one I didn't know walked behind me as the three of them walked me to Brass's office, a route I knew perfectly well and was more than capable of finding by myself.

Once we arrived at his office they stepped to the side of the door and let me knock.

"Come in" Brass's low voice came from the other side of the closed door.

I turned the door knob and slowly pushed open the door, suddenly nervous, well more so than before.

When the door finally sung all the way open and I could step in, I caught my first glimpse of Brass since he had come to me in the lay out room.

"Brass?" I called tentatively.

Brass looked up from the papers he had sprawled all over his messy desk and met my eyes.

"Sara…come in…and close the door behind you." He said tiredly, but there was a light in his eyes that let me know, he hadn't been beaten down.

I did as I was asked and walked closer to Brass's desk.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked softly.

"Sit down Sara." Brass motioned to the chair in front on his desk.

I nodded and took the seat and looked back up to see Brass staring at me.

I began to feel a little self conscientious so I said "Why did you call me in here?"

Brass almost looked hurt and said "Do I need a reason to see my favorite girl?"

I smiled lightly and said "No I suppose not, but something tells me that there was serious reason you called me in here, and made sure that I got here by way of three police escorts…so what is it" I was not demanding but was gently prodding the man I had only ever considered to be my father.

He sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of his nose before saying softly "I'm worried."

I knew why he was worried but I couldn't help asking "Why Jim?"

He looked at me as if I was dense "Sara…are you kidding me? You're going under cover today…putting your life in the hands of a suspected killer…"

Brass seemed angry and then almost sad. "Jim…it's not that big…"

"Sara, I know you to be brave and strong…and I know you've gone under before, but I just…I worry."

"Everyone worries."

"And with good reason too…you're not invincible…and I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me Jim…I promise." I said softly, but confidently.

"I did when you went to New York." Brass's voice took on a hurt tone, one that broke my heart.

I sighed heavily "Is that what you thought? You never lost me…I didn't leave because of you…I left because of…"

"Grissom." Brass finished for me.

I was silent…having the words put in my mouth was hard to take, especially when they were true.

"Yes." I whispered.

"What happened yesterday…and don't say nothing because I know something did happen."

I couldn't answer his question because it was the same question I had been trying to answer myself ever since my lips touched Grissom's the day before.

"Do you still love him Sara?"

"No…I love Mike…"

"I know you do…I've seen you with him…but that doesn't mean the love you held in your heart died for Grissom when you left…"

I looked at Brass and he must have seen the turmoil in my eyes because he again sighed and looked down at his hands.

"This is why I worry…"

"My love life worries you?" I asked, attempting to lighten the mood.

Brass gave me a knowing look and said "No Sara…the result of your love life worries me…I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Brass…you're talking in circles…"

"I know…I'm worried for your life now, but I've always been worried about your heart…does that make sense?"

"Yes." And it did he was worried like everyone else was about the upcoming undercover work, but had always been worried about what Grissom would do to my heart. "I'll be fine Brass…I promise…as soon as this is over and I get this bastard behind bars I will be physically fine and emotionally fine…I promise…Mike takes good care of me…when I leave here…I'm leaving with him."

"Leaving?" Brass again looked hurt.

I looked down at my hands and said "You had to have known that this was not forever…my home is in New York now…"

"Away from us?"

"Brass…I love you guys…I do…I love you…I'll visit again and you can come out and visit me…but you knew that when what happened, happened and I left…I wasn't coming back."

Brass nodded sadly and said "Just don't let Grissom mess things up…like he tried to last night…that was no friendly kiss…just let Mike love you and be happy."

"That's what I intend…but hey…when this is all over" I said trying to change the subject "…I'm taking you out to breakfast…just like old times…I promise, before I leave."

"Promise?"

"I swear…you have my word"

"I'm holding you to that." Brass said, the mood lightening considerably.

"Okay…come on now…we have a killer to put behind bars…" I said standing up.

"That we do…come…I'll escort you to the break room."

"Thank you Brass." I said as he walked around his desk. I hugged him tightly and kissed him lightly on the check.

And then we left…departing for the break room…where my team and my love awaited my arrival…and my safe return home.

A/N sorry this chapter took so long! I had quarter exams this week and i was well, suposed to be studying. I'm not so sure i like the ending to this chapter so i might change it in the near future, but i hope you like it! I'm also still trying to work through some minor writters block. Thanks for the reviews!


	24. Author's Note

Hey there, I just wanted to let you all know, I have not given up on this story. I just haven't had time to update. I've been working on the same chapter since the last up date, so there's some serious writers block going on here. And also school, sports, and life in general has been keeping be very busy, so there hasn't been that much time to write. I do plan to update soon, I promise, if I can break through this writers block. And here's a little spoiler of sorts, I can guarantee something big is coming that will hopefully make the wait worth it. And I'm sorry for the long wait.


	25. The Blissfully Wonderful Wrong Thing

A/N Okay so here it, i hope it was worth the wait. Enjoy

* * *

I hated this…I really did. I hated everything about this. From sitting in the cramped armored trucked poorly disguised, to watching everything from a safe distance away on fifteen different little monitor screens.

Officers and people with important job titles watched the screens intently. The only consolation in this whole thing, I suppose was that I now knew that New York took care of their CSI's…gave them the best.

I watched the screens enviously. Nick and Warrick were out there right now. Greg and Mike were out there as well, while Ben sat next to me, delegating what was not his to delegate in the first place.

I intently took in the scenes on the screen, starting with the one that was on Warrick and Nick. Nick was inside, exercising on a treadmill, watching Sara with great care. He seemed to be looking just over her shoulder, focusing on the wall or another person, but his eyes were always on her, ready to pounce at the first sign of trouble. Warrick was also inside, lifting weights, casting long glances in Sara's direction every five to ten minutes. He, like Nick was ready to go at the first sign of danger to Sara, they didn't take this matter lightly, nor should they, but they were more…intense than maybe they would have been.

I turned my head slightly so I could see the screen that had been devoted to Mike's safety. He sat at a coffee shop just outside the gym, looking in and watching frequently. He had a lap top on the table in front of him and he was, as I watched him, sending messages to us. I was angry that Mike got to go out and I didn't, he had personal feelings for Sara and could be a hazard the investigation, but then again, when I stopped to think about it, I was probably more of a threat to the investigation than he was.

Greg stood at a little shop just across the street from the gym, watching for anything suspicious outside and around the gym.

And then my eyes fell onto one of the many screens that held Sara from different angles. She looked beautiful; I couldn't deny that, that fact made me uneasy and afraid. She talked easily with Chase Butler while he put his hands all over her, "instructing" her on how to do certain exercises.

She smiled at him flirtatiously, like she used to do when we first started to go out. She laughed animatedly at his lame jokes. She let him touch her in ways that were questionable. Doing all the things she had been asked to do…and I couldn't have disapproved more.

This had been a long week…a very long week. Not even half way through this undercover investigation, the FBI had been called in. Not that I was surprised, just agitated, the head of the FBI that we worked with and I didn't get along so well, we never did.

The second day they had been here the FBI leader came up to me and said "So you lost her huh? Sidle right? I remember her first undercover, she was good. I should have asked her to come work for me…" I wanted to punch him in the face. In fact I wanted to do a lot of things. Like kill Chase Butler for touching Sara. But I never lifted so much as a warning and disapproving finger.

"Whoa guys here we go." One of the FBI agents said, pressing his head phones closer to his ear, listening to what Sara and Chase said

I frantically reached for a pair of head phones and put them on, pressing the ear pieces firmly to my ear.

"I was just uh, wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tonight." I heard Chase Butler's smooth voice ask confidently.

I watched as Sara looked up at him almost shyly, and I leaned in closer to the TV screen to see if she was blushing.

There was a pause and then Sara said "Sure, I'd love to."

I saw Chase smile widely even though the camera shot I was looking at was not the best. "Great I'll pick you up at say seven?"

"Sure I'll give you my address." I was suddenly very glad that we had obtained a house for Sara to use just for this instance. I realized then that had we not the question would have been 'Why didn't Sara have a house for Chase to pick her up at?' and the investigation would have come to a halt. Sara would be "safe" "living" at this house and this idiot Chase would be none the wiser.

"Great, I'll see you then." Chase said as Sara began to pack up her gym bag.

"Yeah, see you then." Sara said throwing him a one hundred watt Sara Sidle smile, and then lightly touching his chest on her way out the gym.

My blood was boiling and it was a good thing- I knew- that Mike had no idea of the actions that had just been placed into motion.

Sara stepped out of the gym and into the mid-afternoon Las Vegas sun. She looked both ways before crossing the street and then once she had, she got into a red sports car that we had rented for her, and sped off, heading for either the lab or her hotel room.

"Alright, good work people. We'll meet across the street from the pickup house at five." Mark Johnson, the head FBI agent said.

One by one we slowly got out of the unmarked van and went our separate ways. I slowly dragged my feet down the side walk, heading for my car. When I had reached it, I got in, started it up and headed for my empty town house.

But when I pulled into my driveway, I got a huge surprise, but I had to admit despite the worry that set in my stomach, I couldn't help but feel it was a pleasant one.

I got out of my car and walked up to the other car that sat in my driveway. I knocked softly on the glass window of the driver's side and waited for her to respond.

She rolled down the window and looked at me with confused and troubled eyes.

"Sara, what are you doing here?" I asked worry outweighing my confusion and, pleasure of seeing her in my driveway.

"Grissom…I…I don't know…I just…"

"Sara…why don't you come inside." I said even more worried that she couldn't put a complete sentence together.

She looked at me uncertainly and then nodded, getting out of her red sports car. She followed closely behind me, waiting by my side as I unlocked my door.

I opened the door and she followed me inside, but stopped in the door way. I turned around once I realized she was no longer following me. She was looking at…well…everything. The walls, the furniture, pictures…everything.

"Sara, are you alright?" I asked slowly.

She shook her head no. "I hate it when he touches me…" At first I thought she was talking about Mike, I was hopeful, but then she clarified. "Chase, he's such a pig…and…and Mike…he tries to understand…but he…just doesn't…but you understand…right Grissom?"

I was worried now more than ever, what was she talking about, I mean I knew what she was talking about, but she was making no sense.

I walked up to her slowly and said "Why don't you go sit down in the living room, remember where it is?" I felt foolish and guilty…she would have never have had to the chance to forget had I not been a foolish and unfaithful person.

Sara gave me a strange look and then nodded, walking past me to the living room. She smelled like lilacs…I couldn't believe it but when she passed me, she smelled like lilacs.

I shook my head clear. I had come to realize that I was not what was best for her right now…Mike was…I would just hurt her, but that didn't stop me from walking into the living room with a cup of tea for her and coffee for me, ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

She smiled at me when I sat down and handed her the cup. "Thanks." She said before she took a sip.

There was silence as she looked around some more. "Sara, is there something wrong? Do you want to talk about whatever it is?" I asked softly.

She was silent a while longer and then she said "It's different here…but it's still the same."

Sara's words puzzled me, and saddened me slightly.

"What do you mean Sara?" I asked.

Sara turned and looked, put her tea down, and said quietly "I don't know…I just…I needed to get away…before I had to go back…"

I don't know how it happened, or who started what, it was most likely all me but she never stopped me and I felt…light for once, because one moment she was talking to me and then next I was kissing her.

She leaned into the kiss a little bit and my heart jumped, she was doing the opposite of pulling away. I ran my tongue along her lower lip, wanting entrance into that sweet mouth of hers, the one I had been deprived of for too long. She complied with my need and opened her mouth for my wanting tongue.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was taking advantage of her in her confused and weakened state, that I was trying to take her away from Mike, the one who made her happy. But as soon and she moaned into my mouth, all logic went out of my head and my want for her and only her became the only thing on my mind.

I reached for her shirt and began to pull upward. Sara broke apart from my lips, much to my disappointment, but it was short lived when she lifted her arms above her head, allowing me to pull her shirt off over her head for her.

I threw the piece of clothing to the floor and paused for an instant looking at her semi-naked chest in wonderment, amazement, and bliss.

Soon our lips were crashing together again and our tongues were wrestling with each other and Sara was unbuttoning my shirt like she used to when we used to do this very same thing on this very same couch more than five years ago when everything had been perfect.

As my shirt came off, Sara lowered herself to lay on the couch looking at me with lust filled eyes. She began to unbutton her pants and that's all I needed. I was on top of her…loving her in ways I had only dreamed of for the past five years.

When her pants came off and mine followed, that's all there was. It was just me and her, starting the journey of bliss we had left abandoned for years. I welcomed the journey and loved it to the very, very pleasurable end.

* * *

A/N Okay so i know that was a bit...well shocking and i know for some of you thats what you wanted to happed. But, for those of you who didn't want it to happen...all i have to say is get ready for a bigger shock...i hope it was worth the wait. Hopefully my writters block is long gone and updates will come more often. Thank you for all the reviews and encouragement!


	26. No Longer Able to Breathe

I was a whore! A dirty, filthy, two timing, bed hoping, cheating, whore. I could barely look at myself in the mirror let alone look Mike in the eye, which seemed to be happening a lot lately.

As I sat in the surprisingly well furnished and decorated FBI provided house waiting for Chase, all I could do was replay the memory of this afternoon over and over again in my head.

_It was exactly how I remembered it, and better…so much better. That's why it made it hard for me to leave him. When we were both finished I got up quickly and grabbed my clothes hurriedly, the realization of what I had just did, slowly but surely setting in. _

"_Come back to bed?" He asked almost desperately. _

_I looked at him and felt my heart break a little, or maybe it didn't, maybe that's just the feeling I know I should have felt. _

"_Grissom…I shouldn't…I have to go." I said before I ran into the bathroom and shut the door to change. _

_I came out within five minutes, taking time to fix my hair and makeup as best I could. Grissom was still lying in bed, looking vulnerable, hurt, and desperate to have me stay with him just a little bit longer. _

"_Sara…please stay, just a little longer." _

"_Grissom, I have to get ready for tonight…and Mike he's waiting for me, he's probably worried, wondering where I am…I'm sorry." I said trying to give any comfort I could, but knowing after what I had just done I could deliver none. _

"_Why do you call me Grissom? You called me Gil no more than thirty minutes ago." His question was out of the blue, but I knew where I was coming form, and it still hurt. _

"_Grissom, that was different…look," I walked over to sit on the bed next to him so I could talk to him properly. "What we just did…it was great…but you know as well as I that we were just revisiting the past…a past we should have left well alone. We're different people than we used to be…I suppose I should have known though…this was bound to happen…after five years of nothing…I should have known, but I should have done something different. I care for you Grissom I do…I can't deny that…but I have to go back to Mike now…and somehow try to make this right…I just…I have to go, I'm sorry Griss…I just..." _

_I stood and walked over to the open doorway. I stopped before I walked through it and looked back to Grissom who was still lying in the bed. I almost laughed when I thought that this was typical, he was always content to watch me go, making no physical effort to keep me. _

"_Bye Griss…I'll see you later tonight…maybe." _

_I left his townhouse quickly, getting into my red sports car and driving off at top speed. I didn't know what I was going to say to Mike when I got back to the hotel, or if I was going to say anything to him at all. But I didn't have much time to think, because next thing I knew, I was at the hotel, getting out of my car, and walking in._

_When I walked into our hotel room I saw that Mike was sitting at the table reading, and waiting for me. _

_He looks up when I walk in and he smiles softly at me "Hey." He said gently. _

_I can't look at him, the sudden onset of guilt over whelms me and I feel sick. I can barely stand to stand there in my own skin knowing what I had just done. _

"_Babe, are you okay…you don't look so good?" Mike's soothing voice makes my stomach acid churn. _

_He gets up and walks over to me; he cups my check in one hand and reaches to feel my forehead with the other. _

_I jerk back, afraid that I might actually throw up on him. _

"_Sara, what's wrong?" He asks, concern laced heavily in his voice. _

"_You shouldn't…shouldn't care about me…you just…you shouldn't." I turning my head from him so he can't see me face. _

"_Sara, you're being silly, are you alright…I love you…of course I should care about you…what's wrong?" _

"_You shouldn't love me either." _

"_Why? Tell me what's wrong."_

"_I don't deserve you." I say turning my head towards him slightly. _

"_Sara, you're being crazy." _

"_No, I'm not…I can't do this…I can't lie to you…I thought I could keep this from you, but already a minute in and I can't even stand to be in my own skin…Mike I did something bad…you're going to hate me for it…you're going to leave me…"_

"_Sara…there's nothing you could do that would make me leave you." Mike says this like he's talking to one of the craziest people alive, and he just might be. _

"_I…I…I slept with Grissom." I blurted out. _

_Mike is silent and I can't bring myself to look at him. After some of the longest minutes of my life pass and all we have done is just stand there I finally say "I'm sorry, you hate me, I understand…I'm just going to pack my stuff and go, I understand if you leave…I can find someone to fill in for you…I'm sure the team won't mind…I mean…" _

_Mike suddenly grabs my arm as I began to walk away. He turns me forcefully to him, I expect him to hit me, but he doesn't._

"_Do you love him?" _

_I stare at him, stare at his eyes, they are angry but they are full of love…for me. _

"_I don't love him." _

_We stand there in silence forever then Mike says solemnly and quietly "Come on…lets go take a shower…wash you off." _

That night when Mike and I arrived at the lab together, I had to tell Mike to not kill Grissom…and I was being serious, I thought he might just do that.

Soon everyone was sent out to their respective places and I came here. And here I wait for Chase, and somehow it feels like I'm waiting for an evil curse…and curse that I welcomed into my life.

I hear the head of this investigation, and FBI agent talking to me through my ear piece. He says that Chase is pulling up into the driveway and that I should avoid letting him in, and if I do make the time short. He says that when we leave for where ever it is that we're going that they'll be following us closely and that somehow I will never be left alone with this man.

Soon after there is a knock at the door and I get up to answer it. Chase stands at me door with a bouquet of red roses, my mind flashes to one of the girls who was found with a rose petal in her hand.

I take the flowers from him with a smile and he asks "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, let me just grab my purse and we can go." I say as I walk away from him to grab my purse, which I left on the counter.

He waited for me at the door and when I came up to him, he placed his hand on the small of my back and steered me out to his car. He was such a gentle man, opening my door for me before walking around the car to get in on his side.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked, trying my hardest to sound like someone who was going on their first date with a man they wanted to be with.

"To a restaurant that just opened not too long ago, right off the strip." Chase said taking his eyes off the road for two seconds to smile at me.

We arrived at an expensive looking restaurant within fifteen minutes. Chase stepped out and walked around to my door to let me out, he then pain the valet, and took my hand and walked me into the restaurant.

The whole time through dinner, I heard people telling me that I was doing great, that I should keep it up. I was getting so sick of it that I almost ripped the ear piece out right then and there in front of Chase. But listening to Chase was not much better. If this had not been an undercover investigation, I would have gotten up and left.

When dinner was over Chase paid and left a generous tip and then took my hand and led me out of the restaurant where he tipped the valet when he brought his car up.

"So where are we going now?" I asked once we were in the car and we had started to move.

"It's a…surprise." Chase said tonelessly.

I heard in my ear piece someone say "This could be it." Which made me nervous, but I looked in the side view mirror and saw the unmarked van following us and some of my nerves were eased.

We drove for a while, Chase made idle chit chat while we listened to the radio. My heart began to beat faster when buildings and houses began less and less together and the van began to hang back a bit.

"Chase where are we going?" I asked again, trying not to sound nervous but failing.

"Where here." Chase said as he pulled off to the side of the road. I looking in the mirror one last time and saw that the van was a ways back, but it had stopped in front of a house, and it looked like people where getting out, or maybe that was just me being hopeful.

Chase got out of the car and waited for me to do the same. I did and I came to stand next to him.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"We're…going for a walk." Chase said smoothly.

I nodded, but really I walked to turn and run away.

"Where are we walking to?" I asked slowly.

Chase took my hand a bit forcefully and said "You know, you sure do ask a lot of questions."

I laughed a little, not sure of what I was supposed to do.

After a few minutes of walking I said "Chase I don't want to walk anymore, I want to go back to the car."

"No…I think we can walk for a bit longer." Chase said vehemently.

"Chase…I don't want to…" I said before Chase tightened his grip on my wrist. "Ow…Chase you're hurting me."

I heard in my ear piece people start to panic.

"Chase I want to go home."

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen." Chase said terrifyingly.

"Chase what to do you mean?" I asked, my fear getting the better of me.

Suddenly Chase pulled me close to him and in my one swift movement tore my shirt open, buttons were sent flying everywhere.

"Chase what the hell are you doing?" I asked trying to sound strong, but after what just happened, I feel small and scared

"Can't you tell by now?" He asked with the voice of a maniac.

I couldn't believe this was happening even though I had known it could come to this. My mind went blank and suddenly I was no longer a where of the voices in my ear.

But in a flash my mind went into overdrive and suddenly I could think again. I quickly pulled the mini bottle of pepper spray out of my pocket and sprayed it into his eyes. But instead of letting me go to wipe his eyes, he tightened his grip on my wrist and uses the other arm to try and wipe the inflicting liquid away.

"Bitch!" He yelled.

He suddenly let go of my arm and drew out a gun from his waist. I abruptly stopped and put my hands up.

"I was going to have some fun with you…but now…I'm just going to kill you."

My mind became numb and I fell to my knees. What happened next…I wish never happened.

I could hear Grissom's voice in my ear piece he was saying "Mike…go…Mike go!"

I didn't register what was happening but all I could hear was Grissom shout in my ear piece "Mike run…hurry Mike…go!"

And before I knew it Chase's gaze no longer rested on me, but somewhere over my right shoulder.

"What the hell?" I heard him say under his breath.

And then I heard Mike shout "Drop your weapon!" And I heard the safety pulled on a gun that Chase was not holding, because he had already pulled his safety back.

"Mike…Mike no!" I stood and turned just in time to hear the gun go off three times and then see Mike fall to the ground.

I screamed as more gun shots resounded and I heard a body fall behind me as I ran to Mike's still and lifeless body. Men and black uniforms ran past me, but I didn't notice them. I fell to the ground next to Mike.

"Sara…" I heard him croak.

"Shhh…baby…don't talk…save your energy."

"Sara…I love you…"

"Mike…Mike...just hold on…I'm here, help is coming!"

"Sara…promise me…you'll…" He began to cough up blood and I took his cold hand in mine. "promise me…that you'll take care of Ben…and promise me that you'll tell Eric…."

"Mike don't talk like this…you'll be fine."

"Tell Eric…he's going to do good and that…by no means is he…allowed into your pants…" He couched again and I cried harder. "And Sara…promise me…your heart."

"You have it…you've always had it…I love you."

"I love you Sara…I do…" His eyes closed and he stopped coughing.

"MIKE!" I shouted "MIKE DON'T GO!"

I fell onto his still chest that no longer held a heartbeat and found that I could no longer manage to cry…I could hardly manage to breathe…I didn't want to live anymore…not like this.

My breath became shallow and the last thing I remembered before I felt the paramedics lift me off of Mike was saying "Mike I love you…don't go." And then…there was nothing.

* * *

A/N Okay so there it is. I have actually been planning to do this for some time...sorry. I'm not so sure about this chapter though...i don't know if i wrote it so well. But anyways, there's more coming up i promise. Again, i might actually just take this chapter down and redo it because, well i'm just no sure its that good. Anyways thanks for all the encouraging reviews!


	27. Frozen In Time

I stood frozen in a moment that was moving too fast. I no longer sat in the van, but I stood off in the distance watching the horrifying scene unveil itself.

I couldn't do anything but stand there frozen as I watched the officers run out to Chase Butler and check his pulse. He was still alive; they waited by his body as the paramedics ran out to him with a gurney.

I turned my head slightly and watched as Sara screamed over Mike's unresponsive body for him to not leave her, for him to come back to her. My heart broke and I wanted to run over to her, to hold her in my arms, and tell her it would all be alright, but my legs refused to work. So I was reduced to a man just standing there uselessly watching an appalling turn of events.

A couple paramedics ran over to where Sara knelt at Mike's body, with two gurneys in tow. The first check Mike's vitals and said something that made Sara practically scream out a sob and then proceed to fall to the ground. While they loaded Mike's lifeless body on a gurney and covered him completely with a blanket, signaling that he was no longer alive, the paramedics checked out Sara.

They checked her pulse, asked her to follow their finger with her eyes, and then took her by her arms, helped her stand up, and then loaded her on to a gurney herself.

It was then that I suddenly found that I could move. I ran to where the paramedics were loading Sara into the ambulance.

"Where are you taking her? What's wrong with her?" I asked one of the men helping load her into the ambulance.

He looked at me with a puzzled look. "And who are you?"

"I'm her…her boss." I said choking on the last word slightly.

He hesitated for a moment and then said "We're bringing her to Las Vegas Memorial Hospital. You can ask for further information there."

"Wait, what do you mean that I can ask for further information there?" I asked indignant that they wouldn't tell me what was going on right now.

The guy had begun to walk away from me to the front of the ambulance, but upon sensing that I was following turned around and said to me in a tried and exasperated voice "Listen…right now I have a patient in there that could be dying…I meant what I said, you can get more information at the hospital."

His words shocked me into stillness; his words reverberated in my head making my heart feel like it was going to stop_… right now I have a patient in there that could be dying_. I wanted to ask something else, but by the time my brain caught up with the rest of the world, the man was already in the passenger seat of the ambulance and they were driving away with Sara.

I stood there watching the vehicle disappear until I felt a heavy hand fall upon my shoulder. I turned to see Brass standing behind me wearing one of the grimmest expressions that I've ever seen.

"Come on," He said tonelessly "We should go…you know…just in case."

His words reached my ears but my head wouldn't process them, so when he grabbed my arm to get me going, I didn't object. For my thoughts were no longer my own, I made none of my own decisions, it was a miracle that I could still breath, because if I had to tell myself to do that, I would have surly died from my brain not being able to carry out the simplest of tasks.

Jim escorted me to his police car and then got in on the driver's side. It was a silent ride to the hospital, the radio never played, the engine seemed to whisper instead of roar, and even the wind hitting the car as we sped along, seemed to be hushed at the turn of events.

Jim doesn't attempt to make conversation with me, he doesn't try to offer words of comfort, and he doesn't even ask if I am okay. But then again, he might have thought that I didn't deserve those things.

We pull into the hospital parking lot; Jim finds a spot to park, and then turns off the car before turning to me.

"I need to talk to you." He says calmly, but the emotion playing in the features of his face tell me a completely different emotion is ready to hit me square in the jaw.

I can only nod, afraid that Brass might actually hit me.

He is silent for a moment and then says slowly "I knew…I knew the moment you guys got together, before anyone else knew. I knew you were going to hurt Sara even before you decided to make your long awaited relationship public, and I knew she would always…always forgive you. But when she was kidnapped, something changed…and you feel short of the bar, failed to read any and all signs. Or maybe you didn't, which just means that you didn't care."

"Brass, why are you telling me this?" I ask, more than impatient to get to Sara.

"Shut up and listen! This may come out angry, but I've stayed silent for way too long and you need to know!"

I shut my mouth in shock, not sure of what just happened.

"I knew as soon as Sara was back and safe with us that something had changed. I knew from the moment she got out of the hospital and you were late in coming to pick her up. I knew when you started to see Catherine…do you remember the shift in attitude that took place in the lab at the very beginning? Do you remember when you asked me about it, as if you hadn't known?"

I did remember and suddenly an unpleasant memory was assaulting my mind.

_I walked briskly down the hall, not in a good mood. My self riotousness astounded even me, but the fact that Sara had decided not to sleep in our bed last night upset me. _

_When I entered the break room I was met by four cold stares, Warrick, Nick, Greg, and Brass. _

_I walked over to the coffee maker and poured myself a cup. _

"_We've been waiting for you…you're late." Came Brass' toneless voice from behind me. _

"_I'm sorry, I got caught up in…traffic." I said thinking of a lie. _

_Brass snorted as the other guys rolled their eyes. _

_Anger welled up deeper inside me as the events from last night and this morning compiled on top of what was going on right now. I was not used to this public display of disrespect. _

"_Greg and Warrick, you have a B&E right off the strip officers are already on the scene. Nick you and Grissom have a 419 in the desert, I'll be tagging along." Brass gave out the assignments which was a job I normally carried out. _

_On their way out the door Warrick and Greg forcefully pushed past me, I was about to say something when I saw that Brass was watching with a somewhat satisfied look. _

"_What the hell is going on?" I ask to Brass more than Nick, for Nick is now quickly leaving the room. _

"_Like you don't know, don't even go there Grissom…I am not in the mood…not after what you've been getting away with around here."_

_I looked at him baffled until I heard him mutter on his way out "Sara deserves so much better." _

"I knew," Brass continued, pulling me out of the memory and continuing on his verbal attack "Sara knew too, she knew for awhile…she was pissed at first…oh so very pissed and then more depressed than anything, but of course you were to "busy" to notice anything."

Another memory attacked my already disturbed mind.

_I walked down the halls of the crime lab, visions of the fifth night I had just spent at Catherine's still danced seductively in my head. That is until I passed Brass' office. _

_The door closed, I stepped closer to hear what the two muffled voices were saying. _

"_You know I would have told you if I had thought that it would have made your life easier but…"_

_Brass' voice was cut off by a vicious voice low and full of anger, I could just barely make out the words "What you thought…can't believe you…asshole." _

_The voice was familiar but I couldn't place it anywhere. Whoever it was though, was giving Brass and earful for something he had done. _

"_You know I love you, we all do, but we thought that by telling you, we would be…"_

_Again I barely caught the words that interrupted Brass "Would be what…tell me the truth…meddle in things…should have left it alone." _

_There was silence and then I heard Brass say "So what are you going to do?" _

_I heard a chair scarp on the floor and footsteps approach the door my ear was currently glued to. I stepped back quickly and walked around the corner, waiting to see who would step out of the office. _

_The door opened and out stepped Sara, fuming. _

"_Sara, just tell me so I know…what are you going to do?"_

"_Kill him…slowly." Came Sara's too clam response. _

_Brass' face drained off all color; clearly unset and seriously thinking that she might follow through with this threat. _

_Thinking she was talking about a case, I brushed it off and continued down the hall. _

Another memory came to me, but one of a much sadder variety.

_This case was giving me serious trouble, and I needed to speak with Brass right away about what plan of action should be taken. _

_I was within ten feet of his office, folder poised and ready to present, when I heard crying. The door was slightly ajar and I stepped closer to get a better listen. _

"_Sara, sweetie…I am so sorry." _

_My ear perked up, something had upset Sara. _

"_It's not your fault; I should have done something long ago."_

"_Sara, just consider this please…we could…we could have you transfer shifts…just please…reconsider this."_

_There was more sniffling and then "I have Jim, and I can't do it, I'm following this through…I'm sorry." _

_A week later and I came home to find Sara sipping a glass of red wine. My toe hurt from stubbing it on her bag at the door. She left that night…she didn't come back. _

"I knew all the time…each day I liked you less and less. I watched as you two flirted in the halls, I heard the rumors of your late night escapades, coming in the next day wearing the same shirt you had on yesterday. And I was disgusted when I heard the moans of pleasure coming from your office late at night, only to turn the corner and see Sara pulling a triple in the lab down the hall. I watched as you treated Sara like shit, ignored her declining mental, physical, and emotional health. All for what, so you could be with Catherine? I let her cry on my shoulder day after day, night after night. Nick and Warrick let her crash on their couch month after month, calling me so I could try to comfort her, because they had not been able. Did you know she ended up in the hospital three times? One was for her anorexic state, the others for anxiety attacks brought on by stress and malnourishment. Of course you didn't, because you weren't concerned with her anymore, Catherine was the star of your life now."

Jim's assault was proving to be too much for me as I pulled up another memory.

_I came home after spending a very enjoyable and pleasurable night at Catherine's. I expected Sara to be either waiting for me in the living room or asleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom. I walked into the living room to see it was empty. The TV was off and nothing rested on the coffee table, the blankets were still folded and thrown over the back of the couch, untouched. _

_That meant that she was in the guest bedroom. I walked up the stairs and down the hall to the very last door and opened it, only to see an empty bedroom. The bed was undisturbed and the perfectly folded blanket that I had put there two nights ago, remained in the same spot, not ruffled or unperfected in any way._

_That meant that she would be in our bedroom, but when I opened the door to that room, it looked undisturbed just as the other rooms had. _

_A small bubble of worry began to form in my stomach as I pulled out my phone to see if I had any missed calls or texts. None…_

_Where could she be? Assuming that she would be home eventually I sat myself down in the living room with a beer and turned on the TV. _

_Five hours later and I heard the door open and close. I then heard footsteps walk up the stairs. _

_I turned off the TV and put down my third beer, getting ready for a fight. _

_I walked up the stairs and to the guest bedroom, where the door was slightly open and a soft pool of light gathered on the dark carpet outside the room. _

_I knocked on the door, but when I got no reply I opened it and stepped into the room. _

_Sara sat on the edge of the bed staring off into space. _

"_Sara…" I said ready for her angry eyes to connect with mine, when they didn't I said "Sara, where the hell where you…look at me!"_

_She did, but the sight the met my eyes took my breath away, and not in the good way. _

_Her eyes where hollow and had dark, dark circles under them. She face was ashen, with a pale green tint to it. I moved further down her body to see a hospital band around her wrist and a band aid over her hand where an IV would have been placed. _

"_Sara…what happened?" I asked, the bubble of worry forming again. _

_She was silent and then she said "Grissom…leave." _

_My brain didn't register was she said so I stood there, shocked. _

"_Grissom, I cannot deal with you tonight…leave!" _

_I did, not understanding in the least, what just happened. _

"When she left you, I was happier than I had been in a long time. She was getting away from you, and when she called me to tell me that she was fitting in nicely at her new lab, I was ecstatic. When she called a month later to tell me she was going out with someone, who turned out to be Ben, I was more than ecstatic, she had managed to move on. But when you and Catherine came into the lab one day pronouncing for the world to hear that you dirty affair was turning into a marriage, I was faced with the choice, to tell Sara the news. I didn't in the end, knowing that telling her would drag her into the past, and that was the last thing I wanted.

"She got pregnant a year later by some guy who worked in PD, she miscarried two months later. When she called me to tell me the news that she had lost the baby, I and everyone who was still in contact with her was devastated. The guy left her that same mouth, only hung around for the baby. I flew out to see her, only to find that she had created a family at the lab to help her get through it. Five months later, and Mike was loving her in ways you had always failed to in the end.

"So the reason for me telling you this is because, Sara most likely just lost her fiancé…"

"Fiancé?" I chocked out.

"As of last night, yes" Brass let that settle in my gut a little and then continued. "When you go in there, do not do anything stupid or I will and I am being serious here, I will kill you. Don't make a move on her when she's like this, don't talk about your past, don't talk about Mike, just sit by her side…you're lucky we're even letting you near her…but she needs you…now more than ever."

I nodded and got out of the car, realizing that the one sided conversation was over. I walked towards the hospital doors, new information and old memories fogging my brain.

I walked up to the desk that was occupied by a bust looking nurse.

"Sara Sidle's room please."

The nurse looked up at me and said "And you are?"

"Her…her…" What exactly was I to her? I was no longer her boss, and not her lover, since seven years, I was not even her friend. "Her friend." I finally settled on.

"I'm sorry, but we're only allowing family back right now."

I didn't want to do this but I had to see her "I'm Gil Grissom with the Las Vegas Crime Lab; I need to see Miss. Sidle."

The nurse looked at my badge and nodded "Very well then, room 209."

I nodded my thanks and then set off down a starch white hallway. When I reached room 209 I looked through the window. The sight that was beheld before me there broke my heart over, and over, and over again.

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A/N Okay so here it is, i know its really really angsty but i guess thats the kinda mood i was in. Anyways, sorry it took so long to update! I hope you liked it. Thanks for all the reviews and if i don't update before christmas, which hopefully i will, Happy Holidays everyone!


	28. These Memories

It's funny, the things you remember when you're dying, when you can see death open its cold but welcoming arms. They're silly things really, unimportant moments from your past that you thought you had left, long forgotten in the back of your mind. But suddenly as you face this…this thing, they're all you can think about.

"_You make me very happy Miss. Sidle." _

_I smiled almost bashfully at the words and turned to look at him. _

"_Oh yeah, and why is that Mr. Grissom." _

_I looked in to his eyes and saw a moment of seriousness wash over them before he smiled widely at me and said "Because I love you, and because you're mine."_

They're small memories mostly, memories that come in fragments, but you know where they belong. They're moments with friends and lifetimes with lovers, and they're all, at the moment, bittersweet.

"_So what movie will it be tonight?" _

_The friendly voice rang through my empty apartment and filled me with a little warmth. I came out of the kitchen and into the living room where Nick was bent over looking at my DVD collection. _

"_I don't know, I don't mind watching this." I said jokingly, making Nick stand straight up, embarrassment spreading red across his face. _

"_How about the usual?" Nick finally asks, after an extended period of silence. _

_I sighed and nodded before I sat down on the couch. Once Nick had put the movie in he sat down next to me. _

"_He'll come around Sara…one day he will." _

_I sighed and looked at him with tired eyes "And what do I do until then?"_

"_Hang out with me and watch bad movies of course…you're my girl and whether Grissom is an ass or not, doesn't change that." _

They're memories that break your heart, ones that make you think that maybe leaving won't be so bad after all. Memories you thought you had forgotten, buried deep somewhere where they could never be found. But here they are, and there you are and suddenly, you're confronting them. They're memories of friendships that you once had and then lost tragically. You try not to dwell on the bad times, but the times that they were there for you.

"_Sara, are you going to be okay?" _

_I look to my friend trying to keep the hurt out of my eyes, but she's my friend and she knows. Catherine wasn't always my friend but as of late she's been there for me._

"_Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be?" I try to ask casually. _

"_Sara, Grissom just spent the night with Lady Heather, if I were you, I wouldn't be okay either." _

"_Who said I wasn't okay?" _

"_Sara, it's okay to be upset, its okay to hate him right now."_

_I sigh loudly and say "Good, because I do." _

"_Come on; let's go get something to drink."_

_I nod my head and follow her out of the locker room. _

They're memories of funny moments, ones that make you laugh even now. Fond memories of practical pranks and bad jokes told at breakfast with your friends. They're the ones that make you think maybe you might want to try and hold on.

"_Sara, come here!" Warrick whispers to me excitedly, gesturing with his hands that I should come to him quickly. _

_I crouch down and jog over to where he kneels in front of Grissom's office. _

"_Warrick, what are you doing, and why are you spying on Grissom?" I ask before I peer through the window that Warrick had just been looking through. _

"_Look?" He whispered through his stifled laughter. _

_I looked and all I saw was Gil Grissom sitting at his desk, working. "What am I looking at?" I asked not wanting to waste my time. _

"_Just wait for it." Warrick said almost giddily. _

_I waited and then I saw and so did Warrick. Grissom itched his neck, then his back, then his elbow, then his leg. He stood up and began to itch his whole body. _

_I stepped back from the window and looked down at Warrick who had broken out into fits of laughter. He grabbed my arm and pulled my down the hall, still laughing all the way. _

"_Warrick, what did you do?" I asked, wide eyed. _

"_I…I…I put itching powder in his…" He couldn't finish because of his uncontrollable laughter. _

"_You did what!" I asked, shocked almost beyond words. _

_After a few moments he managed to get himself under control and said "Well, some on has to teach him a lesson." _

"_What?" I asked, confused._

_Warrick suddenly go serious and said "He messed with the wrong girl." Before he began to laugh again. _

They're memories of better times, times when things were simpler. When life wasn't riddled with trivial trials and errors. When pain wasn't something that you always felt and happiness was always just a smile away. They're memories of friends who always stuck by your side, no matter what.

"_Greg what are you doing?" _

_I watched as Greg rummaged through me refrigerator, cupboards, and then moving to the living room, CDs; pulling things out from everywhere as he went. _

"_We are going to celebrate." Greg said from the living room._

"_Celebrate what?" I asked curious as to what momentous thing had passed that I had missed. _

"_Our friendship." He said mater-of-fact, as if it were the simplest thing ever. _

"_Why?" I asked still confused. _

_Greg walked into the kitchen and began to prepare the food he had gotten out. "Because…friendships aren't often celebrated, and they need to be…you're special Sara, I don't care what Grissom does…you are special and any man should consider himself more than lucky to call himself yours…so I'm celebrating our friendship and all we've over come."_

And then they're the memories that pull out your heart strings and make you want to burst out into tears right there. They're the ones that no matter how hard you try, they'll always be with you. Day and night, night and day…they always there in your heart.

"_Sara I love you with all my heart. I can't imagine spending a day without you in my life. You are amazing…beautiful, smart, caring, incredibly talented, I can only call myself so lucky as to be called yours. I love you with all my heart…I want to have kids with you, have grandkids with you, grow old with you, it sounds like a cliché but I do. Would you do me the immense honor of being my wife?" _

_I stood there stunned, in my pajamas, hair still wet from the shower, no make-up or anything. And here he was, after what I had just done, after all I had done…and here he was, asking me this incredible question I thought I would never hear uttered to me in my lifetime. _

"_Yes Mike, I would more than love to be your wife and have kids with you and grow old with you…I love you." _

_He smiled like a fool and he stood up from bended knee and took me into his arms. "I love you Sara…God help me I love you." _

So here are these memories and here I am ready to die, I thought I could see Mike standing there. But I'm not cold as I was just moments before…I am warm…oh so warm. And I think I can hear a voice, a familiar voice, a lovingly tender voice saying "Sara, don't leave me…stay here, there are people here you need you, I need you, Sara please…I love you."

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A/N So inspiration found me sooner than i thought it would and...TA DA!!! here it is. I hope you guys like it. I guess great things happen on snow days. Well, if i don't update before Christmas, Happy Holidays everyone! And thank you for all the reviews.


	29. Suprise for the Future

"She suffered from severe shock, Miss. Sidle went into cardiac arrest on the way to the hospital, and we were able to revive her before any permanent damage could be done. She might be unconscious for a little while; her body is trying to recover from the trauma right now"

I looked at the doctor, feeling relief flood my insides. "Thank you doctor."

I turned to walk back into the semi-dark room before the doctor called my name.

"Mr. Grissom there's something else you should know…Miss. Sidle is six weeks pregnant, the baby is fine, the arrest didn't cause any damage that we know of there is a chance of miscarriage of course, I just thought I should let you know, your baby will most likely be fine but we'll keep an eye on it."

I was speechless, shocked, and heartbroken. Sara was pregnant with a child that did not belong to me. I didn't know what to do, Sara would surly never love me again now that this had happened. Oh God, what was I going to do?

"It's…it's not mine." I said, managing to spill the words from my mouth.

The doctor looked puzzled "Oh, I just assumed since you never leave her side, I'm sorry." He said before he walked away from the awkward moment, whereas I just stood standing still in my own misery.

After what felt like hours of just standing there I finally was able to pull myself together enough to turn around and walk back into Sara's room. I hoped to God that she wouldn't wake up while I was here, but I knew I wasn't leaving her side. The fact that she was pregnant with someone else's child didn't stop me from loving her, and I would stay here by her side until she woke up and yelled for me to leave.

I re-took my seat on the left side of Sara's bed and took her hand once more, praying that whatever did happen, that Sara would be happy.

But I couldn't ignore my suddenly, more than broken heart. How would I even get over this? When Sara was gone and I was alone again, how would I be able to keep myself sane enough to even function? How would I be able to keep my mind when I thought about the fact that Sara was carrying the child of another man and not only that, but she didn't love me? She would never love me now.

But who knows if I would even get that far. I might never even get the chance to feel the certain type of heart ache. The doctor said she would be fine, but by the looks of it, she looked anything but fine. Tubes sticking out of her, skin paler than I had ever seen it, and her body cold to the touch. No, I might feel a different type of heart ache, the kind where, indeed she was pregnant with another man's child, and yes she no longer would love me, but how can the dead love someone living? I felt sick, sicker than before, just thinking about it.

I suddenly didn't care, as long as Sara lived, as long as she lived and she was happy; as long as her child got a chance at this thing called life, I didn't care.

I fell asleep for some time; more than trouble by the thoughts and notions swimming dangerously in my head. I was awoken by the sound of people filing into the room, trying to be quite, but failing so miserably.

I opened my eyes slightly to see Nick and Warrick standing in the doorway. I ran through all my options in my head, I could stay here and pretend to be asleep and have Nick and Warrick either leave or whisper; or I could open my eyes and face what they had to dish out and then leave.

I chose the latter and opened my eyes, looking to the guys in the doorway after taking a long look at Sara.

Warrick and Nick looked at me to Sara and then back to me again; the emotions of anger and extreme sadness playing their features as they looked back and forth between us.

There was only silence for what seemed like ages until Nick's barely audible voice reached my ears. "Is she going to be okay? What have the doctors said?"

I looked at Nick with sympathetic eyes, though were the sympathy came from, I don't know.

"Well?" Warrick asked. I hadn't noticed that more than a minute had passed and Nick and Warrick were looking at me expectantly.

I shook my head slightly and stood up to stand in front of my chair and by Sara's side, still holding her hand.

"I talked to the doctor about thirty minutes ago. He said that she was in shock and she went into cardiac arrest on the way here. They were able to get her back before any permanent damage could be done, but ah, he said she could be unconscious for a little while. Her body is still trying to recover from the attack, so she might not wake up for a little while, but don't, ah, worry she'll be alright." I said, deciding as I spoke to leave out the part about the baby. If Sara didn't know, and I suspected she didn't because of the risks she had just recently taken, I wanted her to hear it from the doctor or from me, but I didn't want everyone else to know before her.

"And what are you doing here?" Nick asked a little harshly.

I looked at him with shock and I felt a sudden rush of anger, but I tried to not let it show through in my voice "I care for Sara, and I wanted to make sure she wasn't alone."

"Well she won't be alone anymore, so you can leave." Warrick said, coming to stand on the opposite side of Sara's bed.

I nodded my head slowly, not willing to put up a fight. I would be back soon enough. I bent down slightly and brought Sara's hand to my lips and then whispered "I'll be back soon honey, alright? Nick and Warrick are here to visit with you though."

I let go of her hand and turned to face Nick "Look, I know you hate me right now, and I know you have no reason to trust me, but please, call me if she wakes up?"

Nick gave me a warning look before he nodded his head slowly and took my spot by Sara's side.

I gradually made my way over to the door. I put my hand on the door knob, but before I could turn it, I gave one last look at Sara. She was beautiful, even when she was broken. My heart beat painfully as I felt tears sting my eyes, and that's when I knew it was my time to leave.

I turned away from the scene of Nick and Warrick conversing silently over Sara's body and turned the door knob and opened the door. I walked out into the cool, starch white, hospital hallway and shut the door behind me before I leaned up against it, in a sigh of resignation.

Whatever was going to happen in the future be it near or far away, I knew Sara would not be mine. Her heart belonged to a new being, and all I could do was hope that some little, tiny part of her heart, would hold onto me, and never forget me or the love we once shared a long, long time ago, before she loved another and before she left.

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A/N okay so here it is, i am sorry it took me so long to update, i had all of winter break and i had like no inspiration, so i'm glad i could finally find some. And i know Nick and Warrick were a little mean, but remember Grissom was an ass to Sara. And one last thing, there's one or two more chapters coming, i haven't decided yet. But the last chapter be it one or two away is coming. So on that note, thank you so much for your reviews and support, they are very much appreciated.


	30. The Right One at the Wrong Time

"Sara, sweetie…you need to eat something."

My head felt empty, but it was swimming with thoughts, and Ben's voice rang through it all like the loudest bell that had ever been created.

"Sara…please, you need to eat something…if not for you…than for the baby…they're not going to release you until you eat consistently, you don't want to be here for another week do you?" Ben's soft voice floated over to me, and told me that very things I did not want to think about right now.

I felt a light touch on my shoulder and then I felt the hospital bed I occupied give a little as Ben sat down next to me. I heard a loud and long sigh of resignation escape Ben's lips and I felt like crying more than I already did.

"Sara, I don't know what to do…I….I…just don't know…please Sara…please, just…eat a little something…for your baby…for yours and Mike's baby."

Ben laid his last card on the table, and it just so happened that it was an ace. I turned slowly onto my other side to face Ben. I slowly looked up at him, meeting his tired and worried eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

Ben's eye brows furrowed as he looked down at me in confusion. "Sorry for what?"

"I…I'm not making this very easy am I?" I asked, trying to follow my own messed up illogical logic that seemed to be all I could think of since I found out Mike was never coming back to me again. "I mean…you lost him too…and now…you have to deal with me…I know it's not easy…I'm sorry."

"Oh, Sara." Ben said on a rush of air that was expelled from his lips "Sara, Sara, Sara…how could you ever think something like that?" He looked as if he were about to cry, which was not something Ben did often. "Just do me a favor, okay?"

I nodded my head and asked "What's that?"

"Eat something…please."

Even though that last thing I wanted to do right now was eat and I had no appetite what so ever, I knew this wasn't just about me and what I wanted. This was about my baby and what he or she needed.

I nodded my head again and Ben gave out a great sigh of relief. He left the room and when he came back, he carried a tray full of hospital food. He set it down on a little table and wheeled it over to where I lay. Ben then helped me sit up and brought the tray closer to me.

I looked at the food with visible disgust, but took a bite of the mashed potatoes anyway. After a few bites I sighed, not wanting to admit that the food did make me feel better. Not emotionally, but physically.

"I don't think I can do this." I said suddenly, a weighing thought that had been pressing on my mind, now needing to make itself heard.

Ben looked at me with resignation and said "Sara, you said you would eat, you need to eat."

I looked at him for a moment before saying "Not that…this," I said pointing to my flat stomach "I'm afraid I can't do this without…him…I can't do this alone." Tears now spilled from my eyes in uncontrollable amounts.

"Oh Sara." Ben whispered, now somewhat crying himself.

He moved the tray full of food away from me and then crawled in on the other side of the bed to lay with me. He wrapped his arm around me and said "Sara…you won't be alone…you'll have me and Jack and Eric and Kevin and Jackie to help you through this…and Sara…Mike will never ever leave you…I promise…he'll be with you always…"

I began to sob and Ben held me tighter.

I already loved this baby with every fiber of my being, but right now…I missed Mike and my heart was heavier than it had ever been. The only consolation or joy I could bring from this was that Mike had left a little piece with me, and in that sense, yes he would be with me always…as long as this baby never left me.

As soon as all my tears seemed to dry up and all my body could do was shake with a coldness that only I could feel, I fell into a fitful sleep. I think the only way I could have found sleep was because of the fact that Ben was laying right there next to me, letting me know that I wasn't truly alone.

I woke some hours later to a knock at my door. I opened my eyes to see who it was and saw Grissom standing in the door way. I turned a little and realized that Ben was asleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair next to my bed; he was holding my hand tightly, letting me know that I still was not alone.

When I let go of his hand Ben stirred and opened his eyes. He looked around and when he spotted Grissom he sat up straight.

"Dr. Grissom, what are you doing here?" Ben asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I just wanted to come and see how Sara was doing…and maybe talk with her." Grissom said tentatively.

Ben looked at me with question in his eyes, asking me silently if this was okay. When I nodded my head he nodded his head and got up.

"Okay then, I think I'm going to go get some coffee, page a nurse if you need me okay?" Ben said looking at me with concern.

I nodded my head once more, and he bent down to kiss my forehead, and then he left me alone with Grissom.

It was silent for the longest time until Grissom asked "How are you feeling?"

I looked at him for a while. He looked exhausted and depressed, he had large circles under his eyes, and he had this sort of defeated air about him.

"I've been better." I said quietly.

Grissom nodded, excepting my answer for what it was. He then walked a little closer to the bed, close enough to rest his hands on the foot of it.

It seemed that neither of us knew what to say to the other, every topic seemed to be off limits and the ones that weren't seemed to mundane to be appropriate for this time.

"How's the baby?" His words were choked out but they were out nonetheless.

My hand instantly flew to my stomach and I couldn't help the slight smile that came to my face. "Fine."

Grissom again nodded, another topic used up.

"Grissom," He looked up at me with almost blank eyes "Thank you…for staying with me in the beginning."

Grissom's eyes softened slightly and he walked over to my side. "It was no problem." He looked at me long and hard and then asked "How are you really?"

I sighed and said "You always could call me out on a bluff…I…I…guess…oh God…I'm a wreck." A few tears springing to my eyes.

Grissom's hand flew to mine and gripped it. "It's going to be alright." He said softly, although coming from him, I found it hard to believe. He waited until my tears stopped to ask me his next question. "How long are you staying?"

I looked at him, surprised that he would ask such a question. But I answered quietly anyways "Until I'm released."

"You're not sticking around?"

"Why would I?" I asked, not seeing his logic.

"I don't know…for the case?"

"Grissom, the case is over…there's no reason to stay."

There was silence and then "How about for me."

I shut my eyes tight. Not wanting to answer that question, not wanting to crush the self-centered hope he held onto. "Grissom…you know I can't…I don't belong here anymore…things have changed…you know that."

My heart shattered a little more when he let go of my hand and stepped back from me. "So that night we spent together meant nothing?"

I sighed, more tears coming to my eyes. "Grissom…why are you doing this to me?"

"Why am I doing this to you? Why are you doing this to me?"

Suddenly anger exploded deep within me, fueled by the hurt and unfairness of my current situation. "Grissom, how could you be so self-centered? The only person you are thinking of right now is yourself! Yes that night meant something…but what we shared is in the past and that's where it should stay…in the past. God damn it…I'm pregnant with another man's child, a man that I just lost and you have the nerve to walk in here and be mad at me because I'm leaving…going home! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Grissom looked a little taken aback. He was quiet for the longest time. Tears were spilling from my eyes freely, hurt by the things he had expected of me.

"I'm sorry Sara." He said so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

"I am too…listen Grissom…Gil…I care for you, I always will…once upon a time we were happy together…we were madly in love with each other…but this isn't once upon a time…this is now…and things have changed. I just lost a man I'm madly in love with…a man I was going to marry…and I'm pregnant with his child…tell me, how would we have worked out…especially after all that's happened between us…all the hurt you've caused…hurt I've caused…Gil…we've damaged each other beyond repair…there is no us…only you and me."

He nodded his head dumbly, his eyes averted. I physically hurt for what I had just said, but it was the truth. There was no way I could have a happy relationship and life with Gil Grissom. Not after years of dealing with his affair, his mistreatment, his hurtful words. Not after coming back to Vegas to do my job and finding out that he was married to Catherine. Not after falling in love with Mike, one of the most wonderful men I will ever know in this life. And not after getting pregnant with his child…his wonderful child. No…there was no way…no matter how hard we could or would try…there was just no way.

By the time I was pulled from my thoughts Grissom was standing near the door, hand on the handle, looking at me with an emotion that I couldn't quite place.

"I really am sorry Sara…I hope you're going to be alright…and I…I hope you know I love you…I always will."

"I know Gil…I know."

He nodded his head sadly and then opened the door and left, closing the door behind him. I shut my eyes tightly against the sudden pain that over whelmed me.

I knew no matter how much I loved Mike or this baby, some part little part of me would always love Grissom, and hold a special place for him in my heart. But he would always be the one that I had to let go…he would always be the one that was truly right for me, but he would always be the one that was right at the wrong times. And so for now, I would hold onto this baby with all my might, love it with all I had, and let him or her remind me of the one that was right, at the right time.

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A/N Okay, so i really hoped you liked this chapter, no matter how angst filled it was. I just wanted to let you know that there will only be one more chapter after this. So again, i would like to thank everyone who has read this story, your support is very much apperciated. And thank you for your reviews.


	31. In the End, It All Comes Together

I sat in my dark office, trying to fight an impending migraine that I just knew was not going to leave me peace for some time. I leaned back in my chair, let out an audible sigh, and let myself contemplate my life for a second, but only a second.

Things weren't bad per se, but I defiantly wouldn't call them good. Some days were better than others, but now I had certain…weight lifted off of my shoulders. Things at the lab were pretty much the same….well; I guess it all depends on how you define "same".

The things that had happened almost six months ago were not forgotten, nor were the events that happened the years preceding that. But at least now I was not referred as stupid, douche bad, dill weed, dick headed, bastard that broke our favorite girl's heart. Now I'm just referred to as stupid bastard that broke out favorite girl's heart, but realized his mistakes and tried to make up for them. It's still a tough name to carry, but I'll take it over its predecessor.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, trying to ward off the pain unsuccessfully when there was a knock at my door.

I sat up in my chair, rested my elbows on my desk, and said "Come in."

My door opened and in popped Nick's head.

"Grissom, we have to be at the court house in twenty minutes…just wanted to give you the heads up that we're rolling out." Nick said in his best monotone voice.

I nodded my head and said "Okay, thanks Nick, I'll be there in a minute."

Nick nodded his head and then left, shutting the door softly behind him. That was one thing that had changed for the better in the past six months. I was…treated better, I guess you could say. I think it had something to do with the fact that Catherine was gone, but I think most of it had to do with Sara. I had gained some respect back, not all, but enough for me to work well with the people in this lab and to do my job as their boss.

I know she talked to the guys before she left, I know that she told them to stop and realize that I was their boss and deserved some respect on a professional level even if I had failed to deserve it. I know she told them, that even after all the horrible things I had done to her, I was still a good man, and deserved to be treated somewhat like one. Nick, Brass, Warrick, and Greg all took her words to heart, and did as she had asked. And I will forever be grateful to Sara for what she had said to them and done for me among other things.

I still loved that woman, and everybody knew it. Sara would forever have my heart, no matter what. No matter how much time or distance stood between us, she would always be the one that possessed all the love I had to offer.

I sighed and got up from my seat. I grabbed my coat on my way out the door, putting it on as I walked down the hallways of the lab. I stopped at one of the processing labs on my way out to let Archie know that I wanted those results from the extra blood spatter from the Jenkins case on my desk by the time I was back.

I continued to on my way through the lab until I reach the parking garage and found everyone –Brass, Nick, Warrick, and Greg- all waiting around the Tahoe.

"Ready to go?" Brass asked me.

I nodded my head and got into the passenger seat, while everyone else filed in after me. Warrick sat in the driver's seat and started up the car, then pulled out of the garage.

The truck was silent for some time until Nick spoke quietly "Did Sara come by herself?"

"No," Warrick said from beside me "She came with Ben and a man named Eric."

Another man in Sara's life that I knew nothing about. I have to admit that I was very grateful to Ben for everything that he had done for Sara, taking care of her when she wouldn't let me. But the thought of her with another man now that I knew nothing about sent a silent shiver up my spine. Still this was the first conversation about Sara that the guys had included me in, and I was happy for that fact.

"Eric, with the New York city P.D. crime lab…same as Sara's?" Greg asked.

"Yeap, the one and only." Warrick said from the driver's seat.

"How is she, I haven't spoken to her in about two weeks." Brass asked from the back.

"She's fine," Warrick answered. "She went to the doctors before she left for her. Everything is good. The baby is doing fine, according to her."

Warrick pulled into the court house parking lot and found a spot.

"I can't wait to see her." Greg said as we got out of the car.

"Neither can I." Nick and Brass said together.

I didn't admit it, but neither could I. I was excited, worried, scared, and happy, all in the same moment.

We all walked through the court house doors together. After we had attained out passes from the front desk, we proceeded to walk to the court room where Chase Butler would be standing trial.

We would all be testifying against him, and so would Sara. I was nervous for her as well as myself.

We found the court room easily and one by one we filed into the dimly lighted room. The five of us stood by the door for a moment, all of us taking in out surroundings. I in particular was looking for Sara.

The room was particularly filled I noticed, more filled than I had expected. I looked for the bench where all those being questioned were sitting…and that's when I saw her. She was sitting next to two men, one I recognized, the other I didn't.

I began to take her in immediately, even though all I could see was her back. I noticed right off the bat that she had cut her hair to the length it was when she was living in Vegas, and she let her hair be its curly natural self instead of the straight hair she always insisted upon. And I could already tell she had a mother's aura around her.

I smiled slightly to myself as I heard Nick say "Hey, there's Sara."

They all began to walk towards where she sat, and I felt I had no choice but to follow, my palms beginning to sweat, my heart rate quickening.

"Sara." I heard Nick said as we reached her sitting area.

I saw Sara turn her head in Nick's direction and my breath was literally taken away when I saw her face. She was beautiful, more beautiful than I remembered. She glowed…and the love I felt for her grew.

She stood with the help of Ben, and I saw that she was very much pregnant. She was wearing a soft green blouse that just flowed around her stomach, making her look heavenly.

The guys all took turns giving her a hug, when it came to be my turn, I expected Sara's smile to falter. But it didn't, it grew and to my great and pleasurable surprise, she pulled me into a hug that made my heart swell.

When we pulled apart, out eyes lingered for a second before Sara said "You guys remember Ben."

"Of course." Warrick said happily, shaking his hand. We all took our turns shaking Ben's hand, when he got to me he looked at me with a look that said "_Don't worry, I'm taking care of her, and yes she still does care about you, but don't try anything or I'll break you in half"_…it was a long look.

Once all the handshakes had been given Sara said "And this is Eric, a CSI with the New York City Crime lab, and a very good friend of mine."

We all in turn took part in handshakes of greeting, with a man named Eric, that I must say I found it hard to dislike him right off the bat.

Once all the greetings, formalities, and reunions had taken place, we all sat down on the same bench, waiting for the trial to start.

I was happy…ecstatic…tense when my seat wound up being next to Sara's. But she didn't seem to mind and so neither did I.

"All rise for the honorable judge."

And so it began…the very long process of this trial. It was going to be a long, painful day…I could tell.

When they brought in Chase, Sara grasped Ben's hand…and mine. When she was called to the stand, she looked to me…well all of us for the courage she needed, but I gave her hand a squeeze and then she was gone, walking towards the stand to testify against this bastard.

I was the last to testify against an already condemned man. The questions I was asked were what I expected and I was confident that I had put the last nail in the wall that would leave this man to hang and dry for what he had done to so many women and to Sara…the woman I loved. And when all was said and done, the jury left to go and decide the fate of this man. They came back within fifteen minutes which I found to be a very good thing.

"Mr. Foreman, what is the verdict?" The judge asked.

The man in the first seat in the jury box stood and said "In the case of Chase Butler against the common wealth of the state of Nevada we the jury find Chase Butler guilty of five counts of murder in the first degree. In the case of Chase Butler against the common wealth of the state of Nevada we the jury find Chase Butler guilty of the kidnapping and attempted murder of CSI Sara Sidle."

"Thank you, Chase Butler I sentence to life in maximum security prison without the chance of parole." The judge hit the gavel and Chase was taken away in cuffs.

It was a perfect ending…well almost.

Sara began to cry in relief at the verdict and the guys all took turns in comforting her before we walked out into the hallway to say our goodbyes. Now that the case was officially over Sara would be returning home…now that there was nothing to keep her here.

The guys each took turns in saying their long goodbyes to Sara, promises to keep in touch were exchanged and guarantees to come up to New York and visit Sara when the baby were born set in stone.

When everyone had finished, the guys turned to leave, but I stayed behind.

"We'll see you in the car Sara." Ben said as he and Eric left, but not before both of them gave me a knowing and warning look.

"Sara I…"

"I know Gil…"

"I've missed you." I said simply.

"I've missed you too."

There was a moment of silence between us.

"Can we keep in touch?" I asked hesitantly.

Sara looked at me thoughtfully for a moment and then said "Yeah I think we can."

"I don't want you to go again." I said softly.

"I know." Sara said, before we both stepped into each other for a long and drawn out hug.

When we broke apart, much to my dismay, Sara looked sad and hesitant. "I should be going now."

I nodded my head "Be safe."

"I will," She said softly. "Goodbye Gil."

My heart was tearing again "Goodbye Sara." And my heart torn more and more when she turned and began to walk away. "Sara." I called out before I could stop myself.

She stopped and turned her head to look at me with question in her eyes. "Do you think we'll ever see each other again?"

She gave the question some thought before smiling her one hundred watt Sara Sidle smile that I hadn't seen directed at me for years, her eyes lighting up before saying "Yeah…I think we will." And somehow…my life suddenly didn't seem as gloomy as I had remembered it. Not with this promise…not when I knew why she left…and not when I knew why she was coming back.

* * *

A/N So that's it folks...there's the end. This last CSI episode gave me the push to finish it, and some inspiration for further stories. I am very grateful to all of you who read my story and left me all the comments of encouragement...thankyou. Well then, with the end of this story i can't help but think a short sequel might be coming, but only if people want one. So then i will leave off by saying, i already have another CSI story coming up soon. I hope you'll all enjoy it and read it. I hope you have enjoyed reading this story as much as i have writting it.


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